Everyone To Know

Since I was a young girl, I have had a passion for missions. God showed me at an early age that there is a hurting world in desperate need of a Savior. Sometimes missions becomes routine for me and I forget how important it is. But every now and then, God fans the flame in my soul for lost people and it's simply all I can think about.

Today is one of those days. I was reading a statistic that there are 9,000 missionaries employed through the IMB and NAMB. That's great. However, when I heard that there are 15.8 million Southern Baptists in North America, 9,000 seemed to be too small of a number. I did the math: .00056% of Baptists are employed as missionaries. Granted, that's only Southern Baptists and many people are missionaries in their secular workplaces. I support those people 100% and fully believe that we need Christians to be doctors, teachers, and everything else.

But why is it that churches give less than 1% of their tithes and offerings to support missions? Should this not be the most important thing on our agenda? My heart has been broken today because I feel like Christians (myself included) have lost sight of the urgency of sharing the gospel with our brothers and sisters around the world.

I've experienced firsthand people who grow up never hearing the name of Jesus. They are so hungry to know who Jesus is and how they can have a relationship with Him. But sadly, sometimes no one ever tells them. They die before they ever have a chance to hear His name.

As Christians, it is our responsibility to go and make disciples of every nation, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything God has commanded us. That's the Great Commission!

So why are we silent? Even if we can't physically go, we can give. So why do I spend my money on things that are going to rot and collect dust when there is a dying world in need of the Truth? Not all of us are called to be full-time missionaries. I personally have committed my life to missions, but I believe that God has a different calling for each one of us. However, I do believe that if you are truly a Christian, missions should be a natural response. Maybe it doesn't mean going to a third-world country to feed orphans, but it could be sharing Christ with your co-worker or showing kindness to a stranger you encounter on the street.

My heart is beating so fast right now and I know that God has given me this irresistible passion to make His name known to the ends of the earth. I don't know where I'll end up, but I know without a doubt that whatever I do, I want to tell people about Jesus. He has saved me and changed me and I want everyone to know about His love.

Being in Hawaii has changed me a little I think. I've become less stressed about things that need to be done and decisions that need to be made. I've become more laid back. I want to enjoy the simple pleasures of life like sitting in the sand and marveling at a sunset or sharing ice cream and a conversation with a new friend. I guess I've come to appreciate life more.

Sometimes I still lose my focus. I become lazy in my walk with the Lord. Some days I'll sit on the couch watching LOST for hours before I even crack open my Bible. My priorities get mixed up very easily. But God is constantly showing me that only HE can sustain me.

Last week all of us working with International Baptist Ministries took a personal prayer retreat on Wednesday morning from 9-12. We could go anywhere to focus on the Lord and spend some quality time praying, worshiping and just being still in His presence. I decided to go to one of my favorite non-touristy spots.

Spitting Caves is a beautiful lookout hidden between two houses up in a ritzy neighborhood. When you step off the path, you find yourself on a huge cliff high above the most blue water I've ever seen. The waves are wild and crash up against the rocks. Water rushes into a cave and is then "spit" out. Every time I go to the spitting caves I am in awe of God's amazing creation.

I found a peaceful spot on the rocks. For a few hours it was just me and Jesus and what a sweet, refreshing time I had with Him. I brought my guitar with me (you should have seen me hauling that thing up a cliff!) and I spent some time praising him through music. I sang out at the top of my lungs as if I was the only person on the island of Hawaii. As I sang praises to God I looked into the ocean and saw 50-100 dolphins leaping right in front of me! I was giddy with excitement and amazement. I opened my Bible and immediately read a verse in Psalm 96 that says, "Let the sea resound and all that is in it." It made me think that even the dolphins were praising the Lord!

I went out there that day seeking discernment about some decisions I need to make about the future. I thought that after a few hours of seeking God I would have a clearer understanding of what I should do. That didn't necessarily happen. But when I left the spitting caves that day, I felt like God has restored to me the joy of my salvation that I so often forget.

I still don't know what I'm going to do next year. I don't know if or where I'll go to seminary. I don't know what kind of job I'll have or who/if I'll marry. But I know Jesus and that's enough for me. I want to have more of those intimate moments with Him- with no distractions.

I want to completely delight myself in Him. He is good and is continuing to amaze me.

My good Chinese friend Nick that I've mentioned before celebrated his 31st birthday on October 25th. On that day, Nick decided to follow Jesus. His joy and zest for Christ is inspiring and encouraging. His charismatic personality will surely bring others to Christ in the future. I am so excited to see where God will lead Nick and Shadow and my other international friends. He is going to use them in ways we could never imagine!

My time here in Hawaii is quickly passing by. I've been here 3.5 months and only have a little over a month before I come home for Christmas. I will be very excited to see family and friends when I come back to the mainland, but God has given me contentment in being far away from everyone and everything that was comfortable for me. I'm a work in progress, changing each day to become more like Christ. At least that's what I hope God will do in me.

Aloha friends. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

Me of little faith

Colorful leaves, crisp cool air, soft sweaters, scarves, hot chocolate, fire places. These are a few of my favorite things... (insert Maria von Trapp's voice) about fall.

This fall is slightly different. The leaves are still green, and it's still 85 degrees every day. I'm not complaining, but it is weird to be in a seemingly never-ending summer. It makes me feel like I have no concept of what time of year it is. It feels like it's July to me, and here it is the middle of October already! I think it'll be really weird when Thanksgiving rolls around and I'll still be wearing shorts and t-shirts.

The semester is half-way over now and things are going so well. Thanks to those of you who have been praying. We have been seeing some very exciting things happen. The other day I was talking to my friend Shadow and I was joking with her about something. I said, "Now, Shadow, don't you lie to me!" She replied, "I can't lie now, because I'm a Christian."

I must have looked at her for about 5 seconds with a blank stare.

"What did you say?" I asked her.

"Yes, I'm a Christian now. I decided a few days ago that I want to believe!"

I was speechless. I never would have imagined that Shadow would make that decision after only a few months of being here. Once the shock wore off, I became very excited that Shadow would now be my sister in Christ! Please pray for her to grow in her walk with Christ and be a witness to her family and friends when she returns to China in March.

Recently in our team meetings, Joy has been challenging us to pray the "impossible." I put that in quotations, because impossible is not a word that applies when God is involved.

So many times when I pray for something, my heart doesn't truly believe. Though my lips are saying one thing, my heart is saying, "God, I know this would never really happen, but if by some chance you change your mind, it'd be cool...but I'm not counting on it."

I doubt that the God of the universe can change the hearts of my friends and do things that seem too big. Oh ME of little faith!

It's at times like this that I'm reminded of all of the times He has been faithful. I've seen Him answer countless prayers. I've even seen Him heal a paralyzed man in Sri Lanka. In Matthew 21:22 it says, "If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Why do I have to constantly remind myself of this? How quickly I forget.

I pray that God will increase my faith. I want to believe that He can do anything and pray with confidence knowing that He is fully capable of doing anything.

When I make this change of heart, I think big things will happen.

My brother Nathan came to visit me this weekend. This picture was taken in a bamboo forest on a hike we took in Manoa Valley.

i be learning choke, brah

So I've been in Hawaii over two months now and so much has changed. My life is completely different now than it was before July 24th. All that I knew and was comfortable with shrunk before my eyes as my plane left Raleigh and headed to a distant and unknown land.

Even though Hawaii is part of the U.S., I had to adjust to the culture here. To the people, the laid-back lifestyle, the food, even the slang.

For the past four years, I have been very comfortable. I went to a small school where I knew everyone, lived 30 minutes away from home, and could call on friends and family whenever I needed them. If I had a flat tire, I knew Dad was only a phone call away. If I needed a good meal, I could go home anytime and enjoy Mom's cooking. Life in NC was great, but I think it was time for me to leave my comfort zone for a while.

So this change has been good for me. Sometimes I miss the comforts of home. I wish I could walk around the UH campus and see familiar faces. I would love to hang out with my family on the weekends and meet with my girlfriends on Tuesday nights like I used to. But maybe God brought me to Hawaii so that I would learn to depend upon Him completely.

I have basically had to start over. I now live in a new place, I have new friends, and have a job. I feel kinda like a grown up in a way. I have enjoyed the adventure of continuing life in a brand new place. I have already had many new experiences:

-I can now cook meals other than popcorn and frozen pizza

-I am still learning to navigate the one-way roads of Honolulu...it's getting better!

-I make a little bit of money and am learning to spend it wisely

-I'm learning to speak pigeon "let's go grind, brah. nah, we going cruise." int. "let's go eat, man. no, let's hang out." (oh, and "choke" means "a lot"...in case you were wondering).

-I go to the beach at least once a week and for the first time in my life am a shade darker than transparent.

-I joined a hip hop class and enjoy making a fool of myself in a room full of coordinated strangers.

-I am more laid back and I don't care as much about physical appearance (I mean...I'm in HAWAII!)

-I have become addicted to the tv show LOST since I now live where it was filmed.

-I can read for fun and not feel guilty for not reading for school instead.

-Rice has become a part of my daily diet.

-I can now distinguish the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Korean people. (If their name starts with a "Y", they're probably from Japan. If it ends in "Kim, Kang, Park, or Joo, they're Korean. Everyone else is probably Chinese).

-And I'm pretty much a professional at using chop-sticks.

Those are all kind of silly things, but I really feel like this year of transitions has been/is going to be good for me. I'm not only learning basic life skills, but I'm being challenged spiritually. This could be the one time of my life that I have the time and freedom to do whatever I want and to truly invest in the lives of international students with no other obligations.

I am so thankful that God led me here. I hope to maybe attend seminary in the future, but I am so glad that I will have this experience under my belt. It is preparing me for ministry in a way that is real and practical. I'm learning things that I could never learn in a book.

God continues to show me that He is at work all around me...all around each of us. It's up to us to open our eyes wide enough to notice it. And not only notice that He's at work, but to step out and join Him. That's when things start to happen.

Time goes so fast. Before I know it my time in Hawaii will be done and I will be at a different stage of life. I don't want to wish the time away by thinking about the future. For now, I want to delight in the simple pleasures of life: The joy of waking up to a beautiful view, eating pineapple on a daily basis, living 5 minutes from the most beautiful beaches and mountains I've ever seen, and having a job that I love and doing a ministry that I'm passionate about.

So instead of worrying about what's next, I'm going to delight myself in today. Each moment is a precious gift.

His righteousness for my rottenness

Commotion... Laughter... Fellowship... Food...Culture...Spiritual conversations...

These are just just a few words to describe my experience with international student ministry. Each day is different. When I wake up in the morning, I never know exactly who I will see or what kinds of conversations I will have.

I like the thrill of going into the unknown. It takes faith, which God is graciously giving me more of as the days and weeks go by.

On Tuesdays I have the humbling responsibility of caring for the little ones as their mothers take English class. Sometimes they cry the entire time and I know that there's nothing I can do or say to make them feel better. But as I look at the pitiful tears streaming down their faces and hear their shrilling cries, I pray for God's hand to be upon them. To raise them into young men and women of God who will one day impact their countries and their families with Christ's love.

Each Thursday we welcome 150-200 people into our church to enjoy a time of food and fellowship. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the multitude of new faces. I want to talk to each and every one of them, but know that it's impossible. I look around and see different skin colors, hear different languages, and marvel at the fact that God has brought them all into the same room. I ask God to ordain my steps. To place me at the right table, to sit next to someone who needs a friend. Or maybe someone who God has placed in my path to encourage me.

Sometimes we talk about school- the struggles of studying and preparing presentations. Other times we share funny stories and embarrassing things that happened to us. My heart sings when a student asks me a question opens a door for me to share my faith.

That's the area I've been stretched in the most throughout the past 8 weeks: Sharing my faith. Though I still get knots in my stomach sometimes, I have come to find great joy in sharing Christ with others. I can't believe that God has allowed me to tell some of these precious students the most important thing they will ever hear! What a privilege!

Have I had my share of struggles since I've been here? Yes. I've learned that Hawaii is not necessarily "paradise" for the people who live here. I've felt attacked by the enemy at times and have felt distant from God.

I've been reminded that there is nothing good about me. I am a rotten mess. I am proud and selfish and desire earthly things. I have been convicted lately of my Pharisee-like qualities:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence...First clean the inside of the cup and dish and then the outside also will be clean." Matthew 23:25-26

Being a missionary, sometimes I feel that I need to have an extra layer of holiness. Even if I'm not where I should be spiritually, I try to cover it up to appear to have it all together. But the reality is that I don't. I'm nothing more than a filthy, infected cup that deceivingly looks clean on the outside.

But praise God for providing a way out. He has covered my rottenness with His righteousness.

Sometimes I forget. Maybe He has been showing me my filthiness so that I will run to Him and cling to His forgiveness and redemption.

I am so grateful for His mercy and grace. I want to be more like Him. I want this experience in Hawaii to continue to challenge me in my faith and increase my dependence upon Christ.

He is at work in my heart. The process is painful, but I don't want to be stagnant. I want to grow so that others can know Him.

This blog is not at all what I thought it would be when I sat down to write a little update. I guess I just needed to process what God has been doing in my heart. I need your prayers. Incredible things are happening here, but Satan is definitely trying to get in the way...let's pray that God will continue to do the unthinkable.

Life on the Island

Aloha!

The island life is still going wonderfully. We're in the full swing of things now. School has been going for the past two weeks and we've been able to meet many new students.

I keep wanting to look at a map and mark the countries that I have met people from. I bet it would be about half of them! I'm so fascinated by the different cultures and languages and even clothing styles. I feel so uncool in my simple t-shirts and shorts when my friends wear elaborate clothes from around the world. I can't help but hope that maybe they could possibly think that my American t-shirts are cool?! Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoy developing friendships with so many lovely people.

So many things have happened in the past couple weeks, but I'll just focus on a couple things for a quick update.

Nick and Shadow (Chinese friends we met when we first arrived) are always at the International Centre or at the Church. I mean, they come to every activity and even come early to help set up and clean up afterwards. We joke around and call them our "interns." It's been really awesome to get to know them and journey with them as they learn more about Christ. They both have very vibrant personalities and are entertaining to be around. We're praying that someday soon they will both come to know Christ.

This past week was the first time I have felt slightly discouraged since I have been here. Nothing bad happened, but I think that the overwhelming excitement of being in a new place was beginning to wear off and I realized that I had been running on adrenaline rather than seeking God with all of my heart. I felt so hungry for God and regretted not spending more time with Him on my own. Sometimes when I'm doing ministry I become so consumed with serving and pourning into others that I neglect to spend enough time with God on my own.

I also felt like of the students I've met so far, I had a lot of surface level relationships, but not many that went very deep. I prayed on Wednesday of this week for spiritual renewal. I also prayed that God would send me one person that I could really invest in and get to know beyond the surface.

Within less than 24 hours, God had answered both of those prayers. After spending time with Him on Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning, my soul felt renewed and I was ready for whatever God had in store for me that day. At the free lunch we had on Thursday, I found myself sitting next to a Korean girl named Jean. She came to Bible study last week and I met her there, but it wasn't until this lunch that I really got to talk to her.

Jean grew up going to a Catholic church in Korea. She said that growing up, she knew about God, but she has never known Him. A few months before she came to Hawaii, she became very interested in learning more about God. She started reading her Bible and said she wanted to feel something. So when she got here, she heard about the Bible study we have on Friday nights and wanted to come so she could learn more.

As Jean was telling me her story, I felt like God was whispering in my ear, "She's the one. She's the one you prayed for." And I was thinking, "Well that was quick, God!" Usually I feel like God's timing is a lot slower than I want it to be, but this time my prayer was answered in less than a day!

I asked Jean if she would be interested in studying the Bible together and she said that she would love to. I told her that if she was too busy with school work, it's really okay, we don't have to meet, but I just wanted to offer. She paused and said, "I am busy...but I need to put the Bible first. I want to study the Bible."

I was thinking to myself, "Wow, she's not even a Christian and yet she has better self-discipline than I do!" So starting this week, we will meet every Tuesday at 2:30 to go through the book of John together. I've never really done anything like this before, so I'm sure it will be a good experience for me. I am so excited to see what God is going to do in Jean's life. She is so hungry for Him.

Thank you for your prayers. This ministry is truly incredible and we're seeing people from all nations become disciples. Praise God!

The Language of Music

“Music is a language.”

That’s what Danny tells our guitar class each Tuesday night as we sit in a cozy circle in the International Baptist Center.

Our guitar class is different than most. It’s free- for all people, of all ages, from all cultural backgrounds. I joined the group when I got here a few weeks ago and have been so blessed to get to know Cake, Paul, Sissy, Diana, Renee, and many others through playing music with them.

The unique thing about music is that you don’t necessarily need to speak the same language in order to communicate with it. Music transcends all language and cultural barriers. The melody is the same, whether you speak Chinese, French, or English. The notes are the same. The chords are the same. The sheet music can be read by any musician in any part of the world.

Music is a gift from God that allows us to connect with people that we don’t think we have much in common with. I have seen this much in our Tuesday night class.

For me, it has been such a blessing to watch these students learn to play guitar. The way they learn is through playing songs such as “I have decided to follow Jesus,” “Amazing Grace,” and “Blessed Be Your Name.”

The majority of them are not believers, but through these songs, they are learning more about who Jesus is.

During the class this week, we were all sitting around the office and through the open window I could see a beautiful view of Diamond Head Mountain with the sun setting over the city of Honolulu. I paused for a moment and listened as my sweet Chinese friends sang, “Beautiful One I love, Beautiful One I adore, Beautiful One my soul must sing!” Some of the guitars were way out of tune and each friend strummed to a different beat, but it was a beautiful sound to my ears.

My eyes welled up with tears and I couldn’t help but praise God, not only for His beautiful creation, but for the beautiful work He is doing in the lives of my friends.

I was able to talk to Sissy yesterday afternoon and she had some questions about the lyrics of some of the songs we have learned. She asked me to explain the verses of “Amazing Grace.” First of all, I had a harsh reality check because I really had to think about the verses before I explained it to her. I wonder how many dozens of times I have sung that song without thinking twice about the meanings behind the words.

The same thing happened when she asked me to explain “Blessed Be Your Name.” Yes, the song is fun and upbeat, but when I was analyzing the words to explain to Sissy, I realized that the song is intense: “Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering blessed be your name.” This song is saying that even when life is tough and we experience pain and suffering, we still praise Him!

I had to say goodbye to Sissy yesterday. She is leaving for China in a few days. She didn’t accept Christ, but she said she thinks she will believe one day, it will just take time. I long for her to experience the love of Christ. Through our conversations, I learned how much she wants to know Him and she is gradually coming to understand that she doesn’t need to have it all together before she becomes a Christian.

God is teaching me every day. He is showing me that He works in ALL things.

Even through an old guitar that is out of tune.

(Cake, Sissy, Danny, Paul, Renee, me, Randy and Diana)