Foggy Futures & Contented Todays

Fog crept its way around me from every angle. Driving late at night on country roads was dangerous enough, but the thick fog made me especially nervous. I couldn’t even see ten feet in front of me. But the light from my headlights provided just enough visibility for me to safely move forward. I slowed down and set my gaze on the part of the road that was directly in front of me. As I moved forward I could see a little more, and then a little more. It was scary not being able to see exactly where I was going, but I kept on driving until I made it home safely.

When I got home that night, I realized how often I find myself in a similar situation in life. I try and try to figure out what my life will be like 5, 10 or 20 years from now and plan out my future. But when it comes down to it, the future is a huge cloud of fog that I can’t see. I have no way of knowing where I’ll be even two days from now. I can hope and dream, but when it comes down to it, all I can see is what God has placed in front of me right now.

Why is it so hard to be content with that?

Often times we are so focused on what could be that we miss out on the blessings and opportunities that God has given us in the here and now.

I find myself always dreaming about the next big thing. First it was moving away to college. But when I got to college I dreamt about spending my summers in Sri Lanka, then I dreamt about moving to Hawaii, and then to California, and then…etc. I’m always looking ahead, always wondering what life could be like. Dreaming isn’t bad, but hopes for the future should never take away joy from the present.

I’m reminded of the verse in Proverbs 4:25 that says, “Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.”

Notice that it doesn’t say, “Let your eyes look far ahead, fix your gaze on the distant future.” No, it’s saying “Open your eyes! Look at where you are right NOW!”

For me, this means that I need to fix my gaze on the 200 international students that I interact with on a weekly basis. It means deepening friendships and growing in community with those around me. It means using the gifts God has given me to serve Him where I am right now, in Hawaii. Sometimes it even means scrubbing toilets and taking out the trash.

Life isn’t always glamorous. It may not always be exciting and magical and what we may have dreamt it would be. But Jesus came so that we could have life to the fullest (John 10:10).

When I think back to that night when I was driving in the fog, I remember the anxiety I had about not being able to see what was ahead of me. I am so prone to worry about the future. I guess I think knowing where I am going will give me a sense of security. I so often struggle with anxiety over every little decision that will affect my future (just ask anyone who remotely knows me!) But this is not what God desires. In Matthew 6 Jesus tells us not to worry about life or what we will eat, or drink, or wear. He says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Instead of worrying about the future, I think God wants us to focus on HIM and trust Him to reveal more and more of His plan for us as we take life one day at a time. We don’t need to see where we are going. We just need to trust that God is in control. When we stop fearing the foggy future, we will find much more contentment in today.

My sweet Memaw

Memaw and I love to have sleepovers together. Usually, they are in her comfortable king sized bed at her home in Hamlet, NC. We stay up late talking, giggling and reading our Bibles together before we drift off to sleep.

Tonight, our sleepover looks a little different. Machines are beeping and nurses are coming in and out as I sit with Memaw in the ICU room of the hospital in the wee hours of the night. She has tubes in her mouth which are providing her with oxygen and food. She’s been here for days, drifting in and out of consciousness as her family waits by her side.

I flew in from Hawaii after hearing of her condition. I’ve been with her ever since. I don’t want to take my eyes off of her and want to savor every moment.

Due to the tubes, Memaw is unable to speak, but she tries to communicate with us by scribbling on a piece of paper and pointing to pictures. I know she’s still the sweet Memaw I’ve always known because I can see that same smile in her eyes. A smile that’s full of love and compassion. Even though she can’t talk, she squeezes my hand and winks at me to let me know that she loves me.

Each morning, I read to her from one of her favorite devotional books. She gave me the same book a couple years ago, so every day, I find comfort in knowing that Memaw and I are doing the same quiet time. The scriptures for this week could not have been any more relevant. As we read today’s devotion, it said, “Do not be afraid. Trust in me.” A single tear slid down Memaw’s cheek as she looked at me and nodded as if she was saying “I trust Him…I won’t be afraid.”

She has always been a spiritual mentor to me. But sitting here in the despair of a hospital room, I am overwhelmed by her strength and faith. Her 83 year old body chooses to praise Him even when her flesh and her heart is failing. What an inspiration she is to me.

Today is the day we have all been waiting for…the day Memaw got to come off of the ventilator! I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved in my life. She coughed for a while and then whispered, “Can I talk now?” We all cheered as she uttered those words.

For four long days she had been unable to communicate verbally and had been bound to her hospital bed. The nurses raved and raved about what a good patient she had been, commenting on how calm and cooperative she had been. Memaw’s response was, “Well, I like to cooperate with everyone. It’s only God’s strength in me.” Never once did she complain or resist their instructions.

Her first meal consisted of jello, chicken broth and a cherry popsicle. Memaw reached out her hands to those of us gathered around and said, “Shall we pray?” She went on to say one of the most beautiful, heart-felt prayers I’ve ever heard. She praised Jesus for his grace and mercy and for using this difficult time to draw us closer to him.

This week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I faced fear and anxiety every day, not knowing what was wrong with Memaw or what the outcome would be. I got very little sleep, and the times I did sleep I woke up with tears on my face. But what a blessing it has been to witness this part of the Brunson family’s journey.

God used this difficulty to draw our family together. I was reunited with cousins I hadn’t seen in years. My brothers, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins came together to care for Memaw- the matriarch of our family and an inspiration to us all. We prayed together. We gathered around Memaw’s bed and sang worship songs straight from our hearts- crying out to God to have mercy on our beloved Charlotte Brunson.

He heard our prayers and blessed us with more time with her. She is still very weak, and probably will be for some time as she goes through rehab and physical therapy. It’s still hard to see her struggle to do the things that used to come so naturally to her. But she is a fighter and she’s determined to get better.

This morning we laughed as she struggled to eat jello for breakfast. It kept sliding off of her spoon and onto her lap. She shrugged and said, “I’m just like a baby!” Our devotion this morning was yet again perfect. It came from 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Our favorite nurse Terry (who has been such an encouragement to all of us) listened in and shouted an Amen!

“Give thanks in all things…”Memaw repeated with a smile.

“We have a lot to be thankful for today, don’t we Memaw?” I said.

“We sure do,” she said as she put her hand on my face.

And we will continue to give thanks. No matter what lays ahead, we will give thanks for every day, every moment, that He gives us with Memaw. Her life continues to radiate with the sweetness of the Lord. She has touched countless lives- even in the hospital, she is impacting lives with her peaceful and patient demeanor. Her children, her grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren have been deeply impacted by the legacy Memaw and Granddaddy have passed down to us. May we be faithful to continue their legacy.

Seminary Reflections

I recently graduated from Golden Gate Seminary with a Masters of Missiology. I had the opportunity to share my story at the graduation ceremony and wanted to share it with all of you. I'm so very thankful for the time I spent at seminary, the friendships I made, and the many lessons I learned. Here's my story:

Two years ago, I packed all of my belongings into my car and began the 3,000 mile journey from North Carolina to San Francisco. Going to seminary had always been a dream of mine, but when I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge a week later, my dream became a reality. I was finally here, a student at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary. I was nervous and excited, all at the same time. I knew God had called me here, but I had no idea what to expect.

At the new student orientation that week, I found myself in a room full of students just like myself who had answered God’s call to full-time ministry and decided to come to seminary to be properly trained and equipped.  Dr. Iorg stood in front of us and spoke about the significance of our years at seminary. At that moment, I remember looking across the room and getting goose bumps. It was amazing to think that each person in the room had received a specific calling from God and one day we would be scattered across the world, proclaiming the name of Jesus to those who need Him. And yet, God had brought us together for this season of our lives, to learn and grow and become the people that He designed us to be. I felt completely humbled and unworthy to be a part of such a great mission. I remember going up to the top of Chapel hill that night and looking out at the city of San Francisco. I cried out to God to use my short two years of seminary to draw me closer to Him and to be well-equipped for whatever He had in store for me.

Two years later, I can now stand before you and testify that God answered those prayers. God has used my experience at Golden Gate to draw me closer to Himself and to equip me for ministry. I’d like to share with you how I have grown academically and spiritually, and how I have been prepared for ministry.

The classes I have taken at Golden Gate have stretched my mind and taught me practical truths that I will carry with me as I enter into full-time ministry. Academics don’t necessarily come naturally for me, so when I started my first semester, I was anxious…to say the least. I still remember the utter fear I had when I was assigned my very first exegesis paper in Dr. Watson’s Old Testament class. I didn’t know what the word “exegesis” even meant and suddenly I felt very overwhelmed.  I had no idea what I had gotten myself into and wondered if I was really cut out for this whole seminary thing. I stood outside of my professor’s office, nearly in tears, when I ran into Dr. Iorg in the hallway. He encouraged me not to stress over every assignment, but to just enjoy the process of learning. Once I cut myself some slack, I began to learn some valuable lessons in my classes. I enjoyed diving into the Bible in my Old and New Testament classes and then discovering the core of my beliefs in my Theology classes. My missions and evangelism classes were some of the most practical for me as I studied different people groups and how to most effectively share God’s love with them.

But perhaps just as valuable as the education I received in the classroom were the things I learned through relationships with my professors and fellow students. There were many evenings that I would sit in Dr. Prosperly and Patsy’s home, hearing stories from the mission field in India while sipping on chai tea. I was captivated by their stories and encouraged by their experiences. I spent my J-terms traveling with world with Dr. Pate and other professors and students. My eyes were opened to see the ways God is working in Southeast Asia and the Middle East. These hands-on experiences taught me more than I ever could have learned through reading a textbook. God blessed me with supportive professors and deep friendships on campus. I am so thankful for the community that I have found here at Golden Gate.

As I reflect on the spiritual journey I’ve been through in seminary, two main lessons come to mind. The first lesson God taught me in seminary is to be deeply invested in the present. It’s easy to look ahead and dream about what the next phase of life will be like. But God has placed you HERE for this time. The missionary Jim Elliot once said, “wherever you are, be all there!” As a planner and a visionary, I often find myself missing out on the present because I am so future focused. But as I went through seminary, I felt like God was constantly reminding me to live in the here and now, always aware of how He is working around me and how I can join Him. When I finally stopped trying to plan my whole future, God showed me how He could use me here in Mill Valley, even as I prepared for ministry. I got connected with international students in the area through Tiburon Baptist Church and loved serving God in that way.

Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned in seminary is to love God more than anything. In my very first class in seminary, my professor said something that has stuck with me ever since. She said, “Often times it’s easy in ministry to love serving God more than you love Him.” Over the course of the next year, I found myself falling into that trap. I found satisfaction from doing service projects and telling other people about Jesus. But I realized that I talked about Him more than I talked to Him. I began to feel very superficial, like I was preaching something I didn’t actually practice. God brought me to a breaking point where I was stripped of all of my ministry titles and everything else that I had used to be my identity. He showed me that my identity could only be found in HIM. Though this was a painful process, I am so thankful that I learned this now. I would not be prepared to go into full-time ministry if God was not the core of my being.

These spiritual lessons, along with the theological knowledge I’ve gained, have prepared me for the next step in my journey. This summer, I will move to Hawaii where I will share Christ with international students at the University of Hawaii. God gave me a passion for international students many years ago, and He used my experience at Golden Gate to confirm that call. I am so excited to see what He has in store!

When we leave this place today, we will embark on a new phase of our lives. Some of you will be pastors, some will be missionaries, some will stay in America, others will take the Gospel to the ends of the earth. Let’s commit today to being fully present, and to loving Jesus more than anything else. Our seminary experience has prepared and equipped us for ministry. Now let’s go be the salt of the earth and the light of the world and fulfill the great commission together.

Harmony

“Some of the women you will encounter today have never been touched in a positive, loving way.” said Ruthie, the founder of Because Justice Matters.

“Many of them have been trafficked into the sex industry, they have been raped, beaten, and they have no self-worth. Today isn’t just about giving make-overs…it could be life-changing for them.”

It was a Saturday and I was sitting in the basement of YWAM San Francisco, getting trained on how to minister to the women of the Tenderloin District. Because Justice Matters (BJM) works to end injustice by taking a stand against modern-day slavery, domestic violence, discrimination against immigrants and economic inequality.

They reach out to women on the streets, in strip clubs and massage parlors. They share Christ with them and seek to show them that they are beautiful and have value in Christ. On this particular day, BJM was hosting a Spa Day.

“You will see all sorts of women today,” Ruthie continued, “Some are prostitutes, some are mentally ill or on drugs, and we have a transvestite population that frequently comes as well. If you see a transvestite, refer to them as a woman, because that is the way they want to be seen.”

As uncomfortable as I felt, I couldn’t wait for the day to begin. This was a brand new experience for me and I was about to have the opportunity to share Jesus with some of the most cast-out people in our society.

We made our way upstairs to get ready for the women to arrive. The room was beautifully decorated with colorful balloons, relaxing spa music, and a table overflowing with every imaginable kind of muffin. This day was all about making those sweet women feel special and pampered.

I was assigned to the facial/make-over team. As a girl who has trouble putting on her own makeup, I was a little worried when I realized I would have to put it on someone else! But thankfully, we had a cosmetologist who trained us in how to apply the four facial creams and then apply the makeup.

The doors opened and women of all shapes and sizes filed in. Some young, some old; some black, white or Hispanic. Some in great physical shape, others in wheel chairs. For a little while, I didn’t have anyone to give a makeover to, so I just watched as the women got pampered. I felt my eyes well up with tears as I realized that this was perhaps the first time these women had ever had a chance to go to a spa and feel beautiful.

My first “client” was a loud, curious woman named Karen*. She wanted to know the ingredients of every single cream I put on her face. I neglected to tell her that she was actually the first person I had ever given a facial to. When I asked her where she lived, her response was, “Oh, you know…here and there.”

That’s when I realized that most of these women hopped from shelter to shelter with no place to call home.

Karen and I had a great conversation, and her makeup actually ended up looking pretty good!  A little while after she left the doors opened again and in walked Harmony*.

Harmony was wearing black tights, tall black boots, a mini-skirt, a pink top, and had colorful hair extensions. But even from far away, I could tell that Harmony was most definitely a man. (But I will refer to her as a “her” throughout the rest of this story).

For some reason, I immediately knew that she was going to come to my chair. She walked back to the facial and makeup station. There were about 10 of us giving facials, and they told her she could choose where she wanted to sit. She slowly scanned the room until she finally pointed directly at me and said, “YOU.”

Gulp. “Okay, I can do this!” I thought to myself.

As I massaged the cream into her whiskery face, I asked Harmony about her life. She said that she had been living in San Francisco for a few months, and didn’t really have any friends here.

“No friends, just acquaintances,” she said in her deep voice. “You’re one of my best friends here now.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt so guilty and ashamed of the way I had judged people like Harmony in the past. And here she was, telling me that I was one of her best friends.

I’ve seen plenty of transvestites since I’ve lived in San Francisco, but in the past, my reaction has generally been one of shock and disapproval. I am ashamed to say that I never really felt compassion on them before.

But that changed in the twenty minutes that I spent with Harmony. I realized that behind the makeup and the fake boobs, there is a hurting, lonely person who has never experienced God’s love.

How can I condemn her sin when Harmony doesn’t know the Savior?

I wish I could tell you that I led Harmony to the Lord and that her life was radically changed. I don’t know if those twenty minutes impacted her at all. But for me, it changed my perspective.

I feel like I got a glimpse of how Jesus views people. I was broken for her and wanted nothing more than to show her love in every way that I could- even if it was just by putting bright blue eye shadow on her sad eyes.

You see, people don’t come to know Jesus by Christians pointing our fingers at them and telling them all the things they shouldn’t do. While I may not approve of their lifestyle, I choose to see the sinner rather than the sin.

I think Jesus would have been right there with us, loving those women. In Scripture, we never see Jesus hatefully judging others. Instead, he goes to their homes, he eats with them, he touches them, and he shows that he truly cares about them before he addresses the sin.

I’m reminded of the story of the woman who was caught in adultery. The scribes and the Pharisees wanted to stone her. But Jesus stooped down and drew on the ground. Then he said, “The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her.”

I imagine it got very silent as his words sunk in and they realized that this woman’s sins were no greater than their own. One by one, they walked away until only the woman was left.

Jesus then said, “I do not condemn you, go, and sin no more.”

Jesus did not approve of her sin, but he loved the woman. He loved her so much that he stood up for her in front of a crowd of religious leaders.

I think Jesus and Harmony would be good friends. They would probably go out for coffee, and one day, when she was ready, I think Harmony would choose to follow Him.

My hope is that we will choose to be the hands and feet of Jesus and reach out to people like Harmony with compassion, rather than condemnation.



*Names have been changed to protect the identity of these women

Finishing Well

Deep appreciation and a hint of nostalgia have been accompanying me these past few weeks.

In a month, I will graduate and say goodbye to California. This place has been my home for the past two years. Knowing that I’ll soon be leaving has made me want to savor every single moment that I have left.

When I ran cross-country in high school, I remember the exhilarating feeling I had when I was nearing the end of a race. No matter how exhausted I was, whenever I could see the finish line in the distance, I would give it my all and sprint towards it with all of my might. I have that same feeling right now. The end is in sight, so even in the midst of papers and projects and busy schedules, I want to give it my all and finish well.

Part of me wishes I had more time here. The San Francisco Bay area has become one of my favorite places in the world. I love the unique, eclectic people; the diversity; the beautiful scenery. It’s simply a wonderful place to live.

But I think I also am fond of the Bay because I associate it with the transformation I’ve had while living here. When I moved to San Francisco, I was 23 and had a lot to learn. I’m now 25 (and still have a lot to learn), but I feel like I’m leaving with a sense of maturity and independence that I didn’t necessarily have before.

My first year here had its challenges as I went through some sort of an identity crisis. God met me at my lowest point and faithfully brought me out of the pit. He reminded me that my identity can only be found in HIM- not my personality, or the mission trips I go on, or anything else.

That gave me a sense of confidence that I have never known. I trust Him more fully now than I ever have in my entire life. Because I know that He is faithful. That He hears me. And that He will always, always provide. He has given me a joy and peace and some days all I want to do is sit at His feet and gaze at His beauty. I’ve never been more in love with my Jesus.

So as I prepare to leave this place, I feel a mix of emotions. I will certainly miss my friends and professors. I’ll miss the family I work for and my sweet church. I’ll miss exploring Marin and spending every possible moment outside. But I won’t grieve when I leave, because I know that it’s time for me to move on to the next stage of my life.

This summer, I’ll visit family and friends in NC, and in July I will move back to beautiful Hawaii where I’ll join the staff of International Baptist Ministries. I am so very excited to see God move in the lives of international students and am completely humbled to be a part of His work!

Until then, I’m going to keep savoring these moments and soak in as much of California as I can before these few short weeks are gone. I’m so thankful for the journey He is taking me on.

Just Call Me Ashley

Do you ever have those moments where you have to pinch yourself to make sure you aren’t dreaming? Today I had one of those “I can’t believe this is happening” moments.

I had a 2 hour break from work, so I headed to a quirky little restaurant in Mill Valley to eat lunch and get some studying done. If you look up the word “eclectic” in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Mama’s Royal Café. It’s bright and colorful and has weird trinkets all over the walls. You could spend the whole day looking at the strange decorations in this place. On one wall, there is a large Pharaoh’s head, on the other there are pictures of Marilyn Monroe. Then there are guitars made out of toilet seats. You remember Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus? (the lady with all the weird earrings?) Yeah, this is the kind of place she would hang out.

So I walk in to the restaurant and the hostess (who looks like she is related to Ms. Frizzle) immediately exclaims, “Hello Ashley!” I look to my right, and then to my left. I am the only person standing there. I must have looked confused, but I don’t say anything. Then she says, “Do you want to sit in your normal spot?”

I hesitate, but finally nod and follow this woman to my (Ashley’s) usual spot. I think about correcting her, but I just don’t know how to tell her that I have no idea who Ashley is and I’m really confused. So I sit down, order my meal, and catch up with this lady who is supposedly a friend of mine. Now I’m wishing I had told her I am NOT Ashley. But I find that it’s kind of fun to pretend to be someone else, so I just imagine that I’m Ashley and I come to Mama’s Royal Café every morning to drink a cup a joe and write fantasy novels or something.

I’ve finished my glass of water, so I get up to find the waitress to ask for a refill. I see her out of the corner of my eye and say, “Excuse me, can I please have some more water?” And that’s when I realize that her mouth is moving at the exact same time mine is…and her hair is braided in the same way…and she is wearing my glasses…and…Oh my goodness, I am talking to my own reflection!

I neglected to see that one of the decorations on the wall was a narrow mirror positioned directly in front of myself. Somehow in the midst of being confused about being called Ashley, I mistook my reflection for the waitress! I didn’t really know how to recover from that one gracefully, so I just sat down and pretended like nothing happened.

But at least it wasn’t me that was embarrassed…it was Ashley. 




(The hostess eventually came to me and said, "Your name isn't Ashley is it?" I told her my real name and how confused I had been. She said Ashley is quite a bit older but she thought she got a face-lift. Then she gave me a cup of coffee on the house :)

The Glass Wall

Every day, when no one was looking, the girl cleaned the glass wall. She scrubbed and she scrubbed and she scrubbed until it was clean. So clean, that no one could see the wall at all. To everyone else, the glass wall was invisible. Not even a crack or a scratch could be found on it.

Behind the wall was everything good: her Bible, Jesus, her relationship with God. You see, everyone thought that the girl had a consistent walk with God. Afterall, she was the president of her youth group at church, she went on at least two mission trips a year, and she wore t-shirts with Bible verses on them.

The girl used to feel close to God, but somewhere along the way, she confused her love for serving God with her love for Him.  She began to find her identity in the way that people perceived her. She gradually drifted farther and farther away until one day she realized that this strange glass wall had appeared and was separating her from God. No one else could see the wall, but she knew it was there.

She wondered what this wall was. Was it unconfessed sin? Perhaps it was her pride? Whatever it was, she had to cover it up. If anyone discovered that she was not who they thought she was, she would lose everything.  So every morning, she would sneak out of bed while everyone was sleeping and scrub all of the imperfections off of the wall.

When it looked perfectly clear, she would sigh in relief and go through another day, pretending that she had it all together. Day after day, this was her routine. One morning, as she walked up to the wall to begin scrubbing it, she could see Jesus on the other side and he was trying to get her attention.

At first she ignored him. She only had a few minutes to clean the wall before everyone else woke up. But Jesus persisted to try to get her attention. Finally, he put his hand up against the glass wall and for the first time, the girl stopped what she was doing. On his hand, she noticed the scars from the nail that had pierced him when he died for her on the cross.

Her heart was heavy with shame and grief. She knew Jesus had died for her, and she chose to follow him a long time ago. The girl used to talk to Jesus every morning. Not always about serious things- but about everything: her dreams for the future, funny things that happened to her at school…she told him everything. But ever since that wall appeared, she had been so busy keeping it clean, that she hadn’t taken the time to talk to Jesus. Every day he would stand there, waiting, hoping for her to at least look at him. But the girl was too focused on keeping up her good appearance that she ignored him.

But on this particular day, the girl looked into Jesus’ eyes and her own began to fill up with tears. She missed him so much and wanted more than anything to climb in his lap and stay there forever. She knew what she needed to do.

From the ground, she picked up a jagged rock. Taking a deep breath, she stepped back and threw the rock with all of her might at the glass wall. At first, there was just one tiny hole in the wall. But within seconds, the glass began to crack and it shattered into millions of pieces. As the wall crashed to the ground, the girl gasped in air as if she was breathing for the very first time. Something amazing had changed within her the moment the wall was shattered!

She ran as fast as she could toward Jesus. It didn’t matter to her that she had cuts on her feet from stepping on the glass. She ran and she ran, straight into his arms. Jesus picked her up and spun her around. He was delighted to have her back! He treated her wounds and bandaged her feet as they caught up on the years they had lost.

The girl was so happy to be back with Jesus, without the glass wall separating her from him. She had forgotten how much better it was to be in his presence than to be on the other side of the wall, pretending to be perfect. She was so excited to be with Jesus that she didn’t even notice when people began to walk by. Of course, they noticed the glass all over the ground. And they saw that the girl had bandages on her feet.

But the girl didn’t care. Now she realized that it was better to have a few scrapes and scars and be with Jesus, than to be separated from him and appear to be perfect. Because when it comes down to it, no one is perfect after all. Jesus loved her even when she forgot about him. When she defined herself in things other than him, he was still knocking on the wall, hoping for her to notice him.  

The girl’s life changed that day. She no longer had to scrub and scrub and scrub the glass wall to make it clean. Instead, she talked with Jesus every morning. In fact, she talked to him all day long. And every day when she saw the fading scars on her feet, she vowed that she would never, ever, allow that glass wall to separate her from Jesus again.  

Her life was so abundant now that she could freely admit that she wasn’t perfect and just dwell in Jesus.  She would never return to her life behind the glass wall.