Summer '10: Cliff Notes Edition

I've been a bad, bad blogger.

Instead of stressing myself out by writing a novel about the past two months, I'll just give the cliff notes version.

This summer has been a whirwind of adventure, fun, and relaxation. Once I got back from Hawaii I had about six days at home before I boarded another airplane and went across the world in the opposite direction.

Destinaton: Sri Lanka.

This was my fourth trip to my beloved country and boy did it confirm how much I love that place and those dear people!

God rocked my world. I was reunited with some of my best friends and I can't remember the last time I exerienced that much joy. When I pulled up to Hikkaduwa (my favorite village)it felt like Christmas, my birthday, and my wedding day combined...that's how EXCITED I was! Tears of joy streamed down my face as I hugged Hashinka and Kasun and picked up Dineshika, who had grown up so much in the past three years!

What a blessing it was to be back. When I left this time, I had a peace and a strange feeling that my time there may never be "finished." For as long as I live, I want to make an effort to return to those people. This trip in particular I had a sense that I could definitely live there if God called me to. I feel more at home in Sri Lanka than I ever have in America. So anyways, I'm open to that possibility :)

Once those two weeks were over I spent time visiting family in Georgia, went to Centrifuge in Tennessee as a chaperone with my youth group, and spent the week after at Caswell for World Missions Week. Each of those experiences were wonderful and different.

This is the first full week I've actually been home so it's been nice to hang out with family, visit friends in the area and at Campbell, and just reflect on the recent and upcoming happenings in my life.

I miss Hawaii a lot, but at least flights from SFO to HNL are reasonable!

So now I'm home for a few weeks gearing up for the big move to.....San Francisco! This trip has completely crept up on me but now that it's so near I'm getting very excited. My brothers and I will be leaving the first week of August to drive across the country.

It'll be a looooong trip, but hopefully a fun adventure for the three of us. We'll stop along the way and see many States I've never seen before.

As excited as I am about going to Golden Gate, I don't know that I've fully comprehended how drasticly my life will change in a few weeks. I think it will be a good change. Just like Hawaii was. People keep asking me if I'm nervous about the move and I can honestly say that I'm not. I enjoy going new places, meeting new people, and being faced with new challenges. To me, change makes life more exciting and it causes me to rely on God more than I would if everything was comfortable.

So I'm ready to embrace a new phase of my life and discover more of who God has created me to become. I pray that He will mold me more and more every day to be more like Him.

Reflections from the sky...

Some of life’s happiest and saddest moments take place at airports. For me, today was one of the saddest.

I am sitting on an airplane right now, thousands of feet above the sea, and already thousands of miles away from Hawaii.

I can’t believe I’m gone. This whole week has been emotionally draining. I knew the end was coming, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

The word “Goodbye” began to flow off the tip of my tongue from saying it so often. Farewells are never fun for me, but these goodbyes have been some of the hardest I’ve ever had to say.

I guess it just feels so permanent.

Yeah, I’m sure I’ll come back to Hawaii often. But it will only be for a week here and there. I won’t live there. I won’t be a part of the IBF church family any more, I won’t see my friends on a daily basis. I won’t be able to drive 5 minutes and see the most breathtaking view I’ve ever seen every day.

I know that change is imminent and eventually, this year of bliss would have to come to an end.

I still feel sure that God has called me to go to seminary next year and I rest assured that He will provide new friends, a new community, and new adventures.

But part of me is nostalgic as my heart aches to turn this plane around and go right back.

I still clearly remember the day I came to Hawaii 10 months ago. I was absolutely thrilled, overflowing with energy. A brand new adventure was in front of me and I was just getting started!

Today felt like the polar opposite of that day.

The normally sunny, beautiful Hawaii was rainy and gloomy all afternoon. It only added to the sorrow I felt inside. I said goodbye to dear friends all day. With each goodbye, my heart ached more and more. Soon it was time to go to the airport. I put my bags in the car and took one last look at the place that has impacted my life so greatly and drove off, not knowing when I will return.

For the most part, I had held myself together up until this point. But after I checked in and had to say goodbye to Joy, Roger, Amy and Karlie, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Roger prayed for us and as he did, tears began to flow.

I simply couldn’t believe it was time to go. I was sad not only about parting with some of my closest friends, but I was sad that this amazing phase of my life is coming to an end.

As I waved goodbye and walked toward the security line, I was crying so hard I was embarrassingly wailing. In the process of trying to crawl under one of the security lanes, I knocked over a pole and made a scene…whoops!

We’ve been in the air about five hours now and I can’t stop thinking about the amazing people I’ve left behind. But I’m beginning to see leaving in a more positive light.

Instead of tears of sadness, my tears now come from thinking about the incredible experience I have had in the past year. I feel like I have changed in many ways. I’ve gained experience and relationships with people from all over the world; People that I really hope to visit in their countries one day.

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to serve as a missionary in Hawaii. I could have gone straight to seminary or gotten a job that paid a decent salary. But I wouldn’t trade this year for anything.

This year I’ve been able to live on my own on one of the most beautiful islands in the world. I developed an appreciation for nature I never had before. I faced adventure and went on hikes, traveled to three neighbor islands, explored a volcano, did every type of “diving” possible! (cliff, sky and scuba), began to take better care of myself health and exercise-wise. I learned how to share my faith in a way that is not intimidating like I once thought. Overall, this year has been one of growth and maturity.

Praise God for the work He is doing in my life and for the things He has taught me in Hawaii.

This will most definitely be one of the most memorable years of my life.

The Hawaii chapter of my life may be over, but I’m looking forward to the next steps. I’ll be so happy to be reunited with my family in a few hours and with my Sri Lankan family next week. And seminary is just around the corner.

Thanks for journeying with me,
Mere

Leaving

In just a few hours, I will be leaving Hawaii.

I can't believe I just said that.

This year has been so incredibly amazing. It's hard to even describe the lessons I've learned and the newfound appreciation I have for life.

I'll write a more reflective blog soon, but I wanted to post some of the things I'm going to miss the most about Hawaii.

1. sunshine, sunshine, sunshine!

2. living within walking distance of the beach...and the mountains.

3. eating with chopsticks at all times.

4. watching episodes of F.r.i.e.n.d.s. with friends every night.

5. wearing my bathing suit at all times.

6. having friends from every continent

7. speaking pidgin (or attempting to!)

8. sunrises

9. mochi ice cream

10. shave ice...mmm

11. quiet moments at spitting caves

12. peaceful beaches

13. hiking in the most majestic mountains

14. adventure

15. my IBF family

16. being with Karlie 24/7

17. being surrounded by Asian people

18. living in the most beautiful place in the world

19. feeling so close to God just by being outside

20. the breeze, and perfect weather.

..........

the list could go on for days.

This year has been such a blessing and I'll never forget the adventures and experiences I've had here. Most importantly, the people I've come to know as family will remain my friends for a long time.

Aloha Hawaii, it's been a great year.

Sri Lanka, my beloved country

The tsunami that hit South Asia in December 2004 changed my life. Not in the way you may think. I wasn't there when it happened. I didn't lose my home or my family or my job. In fact, before the tsunami, I had never even been to South Asia. I had no idea that over the next few years, my life would be changed because of this tragedy.

The summer of 2005, my dad asked me to go with him to Sri Lanka to help with tsunami relief. Well, maybe he didn’t really need me to help, but I think he wanted me to be exposed to that part of the world and see the needs of the people. A week after graduating from high school, I hopped on a plane and flew halfway around the world to a country I had only seen on a map in my World History class.

I had traveled out of the country several times before, and I had seen poverty. But nothing could have prepared me for the heart-breaking scenes I would see when I stepped out of the airport into the hot, humid, dirty, beautiful city of Colombo. On the ride down to Galle, my eyes were glued to the side of the road. What used to be people’s homes was now nothing more than a pile of mud. Houses and people were swept away. We stopped at a tsunami camp along the way. People had been camping out in tents for 6 months, waiting for homes that were promised by the government, but in reality not expected to ever be built. A woman ran up to me crying, begging me in her language to help her. Her children were starving, she lost her husband, she had no money…she was nothing but skin and bones.

My eyes were wide in disbelief. I was frightened and confused. My heart was breaking. The needs were so overwhelming that it felt hopeless. Like there was nothing I could do that could possibly make a difference. I wanted to run away and burst into tears. Instead, I sat on the dirt floor of this ladies’ tent and did the only thing I could. Listen. I was silent most of the time. I mean, what do you even say in a situation like that?

Our trip only lasted a week and when it was over, I wasn’t ready to come home. I begged my dad to stay longer. I just had the feeling that my time in Sri Lanka wasn’t done yet. That week we had done a lot of small things to help the people. We dug wells and built a house. We delivered shoes and school supplies to the kids. We fed people in tsunami camps. But I knew there was so much more to be done. When I got on the plane headed home, I knew in my heart that I would be back.

The next summer I was able to return to Sri Lanka for 10 weeks. A year and a half had passed since the tsunami, yet still, people were suffering. Being there for over two months allowed me to develop deep friendships with the people in the villages and at Calvary church. I became known as “Merry,” since my name is difficult for them to pronounce.

One of my favorite things was driving up to my favorite village (Hikkaduwa). The kids would hear our van coming down the dirt path and would run from every direction, smiling and eager to play. “Merry! Merrrrry!!!” they would sing, “Play?!”

And play we would. We would throw coconut shells and play hand clapping games. We’d chase each other and dance to Hindi music in their dark, stuffy mud houses. Their mom’s would serve me tea and giggle while watching this funny white girl try to swallow the spicy snacks they had prepared for me.

I fell in love with the people. They became my “akkas and ayyas”, my “yaluwas” (sisters and brothers, friends). The family I lived with became like family. We would sit around the table and laugh, despite our cultural and language barriers. I loved worshiping with my church family at Calvary. The church was so hot I always left feeling as if I had been baptized in my own sweat, but I didn’t mind. It didn’t matter that the guitars were out of tune and the sermon was in a language I didn’t understand. I realized that God is the same in Sri Lanka as He is in my air-conditioned church in America. People all over the world encounter Him and praise Him in unique ways. That was just one of the many lessons I learned.

By the time August rolled around, I wasn’t ready to go home. I loved the simple life I had found on that small island in the Indian Ocean; The life of waking up to Buddhist monks chanting in the distance, drinking Milo on the front porch of our bungalow, wearing shorts and a t-shirt every day, and never wearing makeup or fixing my hair. The life where possessions don’t matter. All that matters is family, and spending time with people, and praising Jesus. Instead of watching movies on rainy days, we would play carrom for hours, laughing and goofing off.

I knew I would miss it. I just didn’t realize how much. The next few months were really tough for me. I struggled when I got back to the states. I don’t know that I would call it depression, just extreme homesickness for…Sri Lanka. My heart ached to be back on that island. To play with those precious children again and show them that they are loved by a God who is bigger than any wave that could threaten to sweep away their hopes for the future.

I couldn’t stay away for long. The next summer I went back again, this time for six weeks. When I went in 2007, I felt in my heart that it would be my last trip for a while. I wanted to experience other things and travel other places, but I needed to go that last time for closure and to soak up every smell, feel and sound of my beloved country.

That summer was beautiful. I had a wonderful reunion with my friends and met new people as well. My faith was challenged and strengthened at the same time. I wept as I visited a dying woman in a mud hut in a distant jungle. I rejoiced as I witnessed God heal a paralyzed man in front of my eyes! As my weeks in Sri Lanka came to an end, I was filled with heartache and joy at the same time.

I felt so blessed to have been able to spend a total of over four months in a country that was once so foreign to me. Over the years I had seen the people of Sri Lanka go from mourning to rejoicing. I myself had changed. I came the first time as a quiet 18-year-old, nervous and culture-shocked. I was leaving as a maturing 20-year-old, perhaps more at home in those villages than in my own neighborhood in North Carolina. I was sad to say goodbye, not knowing when I would return again. But I felt a peace about it. I knew God had guided me there for a purpose and trusted that He would guide me back if it was in His will.

It’s been nearly three years now and though I’ve experienced and changed much since that last summer, the memories I have of those dear people are just as vivid as ever. I see their faces on my wall every day and pray for them. I think a part of me will always remain in Sri Lanka.

I’m so happy to say that I will be traveling back to the most special place in the world in just over a month. This trip will be shorter than most, only two weeks. But it will be long enough for me to be reminded of the beauty of that country and its people. I realize many of the children probably won’t remember me because they were young at the time. But I remember them. Dineshika and Chompee and Hashinka and Ashini Hansika. I can’t wait to hug them and show them pictures from when “Merry Akka” used to play with them.

My heart is singing. It’s good to be going home.

Goals...and other things

After a long hiatus, I'm back to the blog world. I don't even know if anyone even reads this thing, but it's at least good for me to be able to look back on. I was just reading through some old blog entries and ran across the one from April 2, 2009. I made a list of 10 things I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. To my surprise, a year later, I've already done 6 or 7 of them! (recorded some original songs, got accepted to seminary, am serving as a missionary, have learned some basic cooking skills, have a plane ticket to go back to Sri Lanka, went skydiving, and even started writing a book). (Me and my friend Masa after we went skydiving!!!)

There's something very satisfying about marking things off of a to-do list. It makes me feel like I'm working towards a goal and it's liberating to accomplish those tasks. But today as I was journaling in a cute coffee shop in Kailua, I realized how depressing it would be to have accomplished all of my life goals by the time I'm 23. Impressive, yes...but it would kind of take away much of my ambition and excitement for the future.

So I decided that while it's good to have dreams and hopes for the future, I don't want my life to be all about marking things off of a list. I want to live in the moment and soak up every precious second God has given me.

There were three things left on my list that I have yet to do:
1. travel to every continent (still need to go to Africa and Australia)
2. get married and have kids (don't have much control of this one, but I'm still holding out hope!) , and
3. work in an orphanage in Africa or India.

I'd still love to do all of these things one day, but I guess that recently I've come to realize that maybe those goals aren't what I should focus on.

Maybe instead I should be living each day as if it was my last, looking for ways that I can delight in the here and now and bring joy to other people's lives. I still feel young, but I'm probably already a third of the way through my life. This world is so temporary. Even if I accomplish every goal I have in my lifetime, the reality is that no one will know or care, quite frankly.

But if I spend my time pouring into other people. Being selfless with my time and resources. Serving and loving others. Maybe, just maybe, that will make an impact on someone.

So I have a new life goal. Maybe it'll be my life mission statement for now:
Live each day as if it's my last. Treasure each moment. Laugh. Enjoy being with those I love. Do everything without complaining. See the good in every situation. Love people, regardless of whether they love me back. Show the world what God's love is all about.

Now there's a goal I don't have to worry about accomplishing by this time next year. I'm pretty sure it'll take a lifetime...but at least I'll have a goal to work toward by the time I'm 90 ;)

Life Update

Like chocolate chip cookies magically disappearing from a plate, this month has slipped away without me even realizing it!

Just wanted to give a quick life update:

1. I decided I'm going to write a book. I've wanted to for a while, but I'm taking action. I'm thinking about writing on the topic of "Journey." Three chapters down. Ideas are much appreciated.

2. I got my acceptance letter to Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary the other day, so in the fall I'll be moving to San Francisco to continue my journey there. I'll blog more about this decision soon.

3. I have two and a half months left in Hawaii. It's bitter-sweet. Mostly bitter because I'll miss it so much, but sweet because I've had such an incredible experience here and I know God has something else great in store for me in the future.

4. I turned 23 last week. At my birthday party, a guy came out of nowhere and played "Happy Birthday" on the accordion. Then he left. Turns out, my friend found him on Craig's list and has been playing music with him.

Karlie, me and Yoko at my bday party

Since I'm in a list-making mood, here are a few goals I have before I leave Hawaii.

1. Go sky-diving

2. Go to Kauai or Molokai

3. Take advantage of the beautiful scenery by being outside and exercising at least 3 or 4 times a week.

4. Share my faith with friends who don't know Jesus.

5. Wear sunscreen. As much as I'd like to think I've built up an immunity to sunburn, the lobster I see in the mirror right now is telling me otherwise.

That's all for now. Hope to have a more substantial blog coming soon.


Aloha,
Mere

God's Love Song to Me

Do you ever have those days when you just hunger for God?

I felt like that the other day. I had been constantly surrounded by people for the past week and my time with God had been cut short. Other than reading a few chapters of the Bible before closing my eyes each night, my "quiet time" had been lacking the depth and intimacy that I've known in the past.

I needed to get away and just be alone with God.

So I packed my bookbag, grabbed my guitar, and headed off to Spitting Caves, my favorite spot on this island. I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this place before. It's hidden in between two multi-million dollar houses up in a subdivision about 20 minutes away from where I live. You walk through a narrow path and climb down a few rocks and when you step out, you are standing on huge cliffs with the ocean crashing about 30 feet below. It takes my breath away every time.

I was the only person out there. I could imagine that I was the only person on the earth and Jesus had come to meet with me on that cliff. I had brought my Bible and journal and other books, but I didn't crack a single one of them open for the few hours I was there. The majority of the time I simply sat and admired God's creation.

My ipod was playing a song by Christy Nockels called, "A Mighty Fortress." I was so moved by the words.

"Our God is jealous for His own
None could comprehend His love and His mercy
Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens, forever He's worthy

We will keep our eyes on you
We will keep our eyes on you

A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your name
Your kingdom is unshakeable
With You forever we will reign."

So as I'm listening to this song and singing at the top of my lungs, I look out in the distance and I see whales spouting water and flipping their tails! I laughed and couldn't contain my joy as I watched God's marvelous creation. I felt like God was putting on a show just for me. As if the whales weren't enough, a pack of dolphins swam right beneath me. They jumped up in the air and did flips and played with one another as if they, too, were experiencing the joy that I had at that moment.

I stood on the edge of the cliff and looked into the deep blue water. As the breeze blew against me, it was almost as if I could audibly hear God whispering, "My daughter...this is how much I love you." Though the sun was warm, my skin was covered with goose bumps. It was one of the most intimate worship experiences I've ever had.

I felt like God was wrapping his arms around me and showering me with his presence. It was as if God was singing me a love song. Though I was completely alone out there, never in my life have I felt so loved. I was so overwhelmed in that moment that I began to feel tears on my cheeks. Before I knew it, I was weeping...I just couldn't understand how God could possibly love me so much.

I lifted up my hands and reached as high as I could in an attempt to get even closer to God. If only I could reach out and touch him. I felt so free and so overwhelmed with God's presence. I didn't want to leave.

Once the sun began to set and I had to head home, I took one last look at the ocean and made a mental note to never forget that day. I knew that this would be one of those "spiritual markers" that I will look back on and remember how much God loves me when I begin to doubt .

I was still in awe as I was driving home. I prayed out loud, "Man, God....I should spend time with you more often."

And it's so true. I wonder how many moments I have missed out on because I am so consumed with myself. That day God really showed me that every day He is eagerly waiting for me to spend time with Him. To dwell in His presence and just sit with Him and talk to Him.

I want to experience this more. And I have a feeling it doesn't have to be on a cliff with whales and dolphins. He is waiting for us every day to come to Him and experience His love in the simplest ways.

God, sing me another love song.