Six days, scenic sunsets, and a starry night in Santa Barbara

North Carolina to California. Coast-to-coast. Nearly 3,000 miles.

My brothers Nathan and Taylor and I just had the adventure of a lifetime. In just six days, we explored our country from east to west. Our destination was Mill Valley, CA where I will be a student at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary.

Our journey began in Garner, NC, with pit stops in Nashville, Oklahoma City, Albuquerque, Kingman, and Santa Barbara.

Before we left, the thought of spending 50 hours in a car in only 6 days sounded completely miserable to me, but as we went along, I seemed to have no sense of time. Our days began to blend together. We listened to lots of music, had good conversations (some deep, some ridiculous), and enjoyed seeing parts of our country that were foreign to us.

We even made up our own games. One game was to try to come up with a sentence that no one has EVER said before. I wasn’t too good at it.

Taylor’s best response was: “The universe told me to put down the toilet seat.”

I don’t know if it was because we were exhausted or because we had been traveling for 15 hours that day, but that comment sent all three of us into a hysterical fit of laughter. It was unstoppable. It got so bad that my eyes were watering and I thought I may have to pull over!

We drove through 8 states and got to stop and see friends along the way. I was able to visit with friends in Nashville, Arkansas, New Mexico, and California.

The Grand Canyon was definitely a highlight of the trip. I’d say it’s exactly what I expected it to be, a GRAND canyon! It was so HUGE. It stretches wider and goes deeper than you can see. As we walked around the southern rim, I was amazed at the enormity of this wonder of the world.



Just as beautiful as the Grand Canyon were the sunsets we saw in New Mexico and Arizona. Shades of blue and bright orange blurred together over the jagged rust colored mountains. We must have said “wow” 1,000 times on this trip. There just wasn’t a word to describe the beauty of the moment.

Tonight we are in Santa Barbara, which is our last stop before we arrive in Mill Valley tomorrow evening. Santa Barbara is the closest thing I’ve seen to Hawaii on the mainland. The mountains descend into the ocean and palm trees sway along the coastline. The difference is that the weather is crisp and cool, like an October day in North Carolina.

Tonight we watched the sun set from a pier and then came back to our hotel. The courtyard has a heated pool and a fireplace. It was the perfect setting for a night like tonight. The three of us dipped our feet in the pool and lay down, gazing at the stars in the dark sky, with palm trees surrounding us.

It was silent for a while. Then Taylor voiced the thing all three of us were thinking.

“I’m afraid this might be the end of the Brunson kids.”

None of us wanted to admit it, but I guess reality is beginning to sink in as we’re nearing the end of our trip. I’ll be in California for the next two years, Nathan will graduate from college this year and probably move somewhere else, and Taylor will be heading off to college soon. Before we know it, we will start getting married and having families of our own. All of us knew that moments like tonight will now be a rarity.

As a girl who enjoys change and independence, I was surprised to feel my eyes well up with tears. It wasn’t a completely sad moment. It was more a reflection on the great experiences we have had, not only on this trip, but throughout our whole lives. I am overwhelmingly grateful to have the family that I do. A family that truly enjoys being together, yet loves me enough to let me explore and follow God’s call, even when that means being away from them.

As we continued to look up at the stars with our feet dangling in the warm water, I put my head on Taylors shoulder and smiled.

“This isn’t the end of the Brunson kids,” I thought. This is simply the beginning of another phase of our lives. It may look a little different, but we’ll always be family.

Facedown

Face on the floor. Heart beating fast. Tears flowing. Mind racing.

I often find myself in this position when I’m facing a task that is far too daunting to complete on my own.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve had an independent nature. When I was just six years old, I got on an airplane by myself and went to visit my grandparents for a week. Being on my own didn’t faze me, even as a child.

As I’ve grown and matured, that independent spirit has gone with me. I enjoy going places on my own and being put in situations where I don’t know anyone and have to find my own way.

Sometimes, though, I need a sharp reminder that I am completely incapable of doing anything on my own.

This tends to hit me right before something significant is about to take place. For example, the two summers that I worked as a counselor for Fuge camps, I had a breakdown the night before the first day of camp.

Just when I thought I was prepared and ready to lead a group of students, I was suddenly terrified at the thought. I vividly remember the night in 2008 when I was up late preparing my Bible study room for the campers that were to arrive the next day. I was shaking in fear that I would fail at my job. I kneeled down on the dirty tile floor and cried out to God to equip me for the task that was ahead of me. God truly humbled me that night and showed me that it is foolish to try to do anything apart from Him.

I’ve experienced this before I go on mission trips as well. I can be completely packed and ready to go, but if my heart is not prepared for service, I’m not prepared at all. Before I went to Sri Lanka this year, God really shook me. It was almost as if He was saying, “Just because you’ve been to Sri Lanka many times doesn’t mean that you can do this on your own. You need to trust in ME.” I needed that reminder.

Tomorrow I am embarking on another journey. I’ll be leaving my home, my family, and all that is familiar to me, and heading to Golden Gate Seminary. A few days ago, I had another “facedown” moment where I was completely humbled and cried out for God to strengthen me with His power.

As excited as I am, I definitely have some fears as well.

This is perhaps the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever had to take. At times, I second guess myself and wonder if it’s really necessary to go to the opposite end of the country where I don’t know many people. But then I’m reminded of the clear sense of direction I had when I chose which school to go to. I know that God is faithful and He will always, always provide. The key is to make sure that I’m dwelling in Him…not in myself.

So as I make this transition I want to be constantly aware of God’s greatness and my weaknesses. And when I start to think I can go through life on my own, I pray that I will once again fall facedown, desperate for God.

Summer '10: Cliff Notes Edition

I've been a bad, bad blogger.

Instead of stressing myself out by writing a novel about the past two months, I'll just give the cliff notes version.

This summer has been a whirwind of adventure, fun, and relaxation. Once I got back from Hawaii I had about six days at home before I boarded another airplane and went across the world in the opposite direction.

Destinaton: Sri Lanka.

This was my fourth trip to my beloved country and boy did it confirm how much I love that place and those dear people!

God rocked my world. I was reunited with some of my best friends and I can't remember the last time I exerienced that much joy. When I pulled up to Hikkaduwa (my favorite village)it felt like Christmas, my birthday, and my wedding day combined...that's how EXCITED I was! Tears of joy streamed down my face as I hugged Hashinka and Kasun and picked up Dineshika, who had grown up so much in the past three years!

What a blessing it was to be back. When I left this time, I had a peace and a strange feeling that my time there may never be "finished." For as long as I live, I want to make an effort to return to those people. This trip in particular I had a sense that I could definitely live there if God called me to. I feel more at home in Sri Lanka than I ever have in America. So anyways, I'm open to that possibility :)

Once those two weeks were over I spent time visiting family in Georgia, went to Centrifuge in Tennessee as a chaperone with my youth group, and spent the week after at Caswell for World Missions Week. Each of those experiences were wonderful and different.

This is the first full week I've actually been home so it's been nice to hang out with family, visit friends in the area and at Campbell, and just reflect on the recent and upcoming happenings in my life.

I miss Hawaii a lot, but at least flights from SFO to HNL are reasonable!

So now I'm home for a few weeks gearing up for the big move to.....San Francisco! This trip has completely crept up on me but now that it's so near I'm getting very excited. My brothers and I will be leaving the first week of August to drive across the country.

It'll be a looooong trip, but hopefully a fun adventure for the three of us. We'll stop along the way and see many States I've never seen before.

As excited as I am about going to Golden Gate, I don't know that I've fully comprehended how drasticly my life will change in a few weeks. I think it will be a good change. Just like Hawaii was. People keep asking me if I'm nervous about the move and I can honestly say that I'm not. I enjoy going new places, meeting new people, and being faced with new challenges. To me, change makes life more exciting and it causes me to rely on God more than I would if everything was comfortable.

So I'm ready to embrace a new phase of my life and discover more of who God has created me to become. I pray that He will mold me more and more every day to be more like Him.

Reflections from the sky...

Some of life’s happiest and saddest moments take place at airports. For me, today was one of the saddest.

I am sitting on an airplane right now, thousands of feet above the sea, and already thousands of miles away from Hawaii.

I can’t believe I’m gone. This whole week has been emotionally draining. I knew the end was coming, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

The word “Goodbye” began to flow off the tip of my tongue from saying it so often. Farewells are never fun for me, but these goodbyes have been some of the hardest I’ve ever had to say.

I guess it just feels so permanent.

Yeah, I’m sure I’ll come back to Hawaii often. But it will only be for a week here and there. I won’t live there. I won’t be a part of the IBF church family any more, I won’t see my friends on a daily basis. I won’t be able to drive 5 minutes and see the most breathtaking view I’ve ever seen every day.

I know that change is imminent and eventually, this year of bliss would have to come to an end.

I still feel sure that God has called me to go to seminary next year and I rest assured that He will provide new friends, a new community, and new adventures.

But part of me is nostalgic as my heart aches to turn this plane around and go right back.

I still clearly remember the day I came to Hawaii 10 months ago. I was absolutely thrilled, overflowing with energy. A brand new adventure was in front of me and I was just getting started!

Today felt like the polar opposite of that day.

The normally sunny, beautiful Hawaii was rainy and gloomy all afternoon. It only added to the sorrow I felt inside. I said goodbye to dear friends all day. With each goodbye, my heart ached more and more. Soon it was time to go to the airport. I put my bags in the car and took one last look at the place that has impacted my life so greatly and drove off, not knowing when I will return.

For the most part, I had held myself together up until this point. But after I checked in and had to say goodbye to Joy, Roger, Amy and Karlie, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Roger prayed for us and as he did, tears began to flow.

I simply couldn’t believe it was time to go. I was sad not only about parting with some of my closest friends, but I was sad that this amazing phase of my life is coming to an end.

As I waved goodbye and walked toward the security line, I was crying so hard I was embarrassingly wailing. In the process of trying to crawl under one of the security lanes, I knocked over a pole and made a scene…whoops!

We’ve been in the air about five hours now and I can’t stop thinking about the amazing people I’ve left behind. But I’m beginning to see leaving in a more positive light.

Instead of tears of sadness, my tears now come from thinking about the incredible experience I have had in the past year. I feel like I have changed in many ways. I’ve gained experience and relationships with people from all over the world; People that I really hope to visit in their countries one day.

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to serve as a missionary in Hawaii. I could have gone straight to seminary or gotten a job that paid a decent salary. But I wouldn’t trade this year for anything.

This year I’ve been able to live on my own on one of the most beautiful islands in the world. I developed an appreciation for nature I never had before. I faced adventure and went on hikes, traveled to three neighbor islands, explored a volcano, did every type of “diving” possible! (cliff, sky and scuba), began to take better care of myself health and exercise-wise. I learned how to share my faith in a way that is not intimidating like I once thought. Overall, this year has been one of growth and maturity.

Praise God for the work He is doing in my life and for the things He has taught me in Hawaii.

This will most definitely be one of the most memorable years of my life.

The Hawaii chapter of my life may be over, but I’m looking forward to the next steps. I’ll be so happy to be reunited with my family in a few hours and with my Sri Lankan family next week. And seminary is just around the corner.

Thanks for journeying with me,
Mere

Leaving

In just a few hours, I will be leaving Hawaii.

I can't believe I just said that.

This year has been so incredibly amazing. It's hard to even describe the lessons I've learned and the newfound appreciation I have for life.

I'll write a more reflective blog soon, but I wanted to post some of the things I'm going to miss the most about Hawaii.

1. sunshine, sunshine, sunshine!

2. living within walking distance of the beach...and the mountains.

3. eating with chopsticks at all times.

4. watching episodes of F.r.i.e.n.d.s. with friends every night.

5. wearing my bathing suit at all times.

6. having friends from every continent

7. speaking pidgin (or attempting to!)

8. sunrises

9. mochi ice cream

10. shave ice...mmm

11. quiet moments at spitting caves

12. peaceful beaches

13. hiking in the most majestic mountains

14. adventure

15. my IBF family

16. being with Karlie 24/7

17. being surrounded by Asian people

18. living in the most beautiful place in the world

19. feeling so close to God just by being outside

20. the breeze, and perfect weather.

..........

the list could go on for days.

This year has been such a blessing and I'll never forget the adventures and experiences I've had here. Most importantly, the people I've come to know as family will remain my friends for a long time.

Aloha Hawaii, it's been a great year.

Sri Lanka, my beloved country

The tsunami that hit South Asia in December 2004 changed my life. Not in the way you may think. I wasn't there when it happened. I didn't lose my home or my family or my job. In fact, before the tsunami, I had never even been to South Asia. I had no idea that over the next few years, my life would be changed because of this tragedy.

The summer of 2005, my dad asked me to go with him to Sri Lanka to help with tsunami relief. Well, maybe he didn’t really need me to help, but I think he wanted me to be exposed to that part of the world and see the needs of the people. A week after graduating from high school, I hopped on a plane and flew halfway around the world to a country I had only seen on a map in my World History class.

I had traveled out of the country several times before, and I had seen poverty. But nothing could have prepared me for the heart-breaking scenes I would see when I stepped out of the airport into the hot, humid, dirty, beautiful city of Colombo. On the ride down to Galle, my eyes were glued to the side of the road. What used to be people’s homes was now nothing more than a pile of mud. Houses and people were swept away. We stopped at a tsunami camp along the way. People had been camping out in tents for 6 months, waiting for homes that were promised by the government, but in reality not expected to ever be built. A woman ran up to me crying, begging me in her language to help her. Her children were starving, she lost her husband, she had no money…she was nothing but skin and bones.

My eyes were wide in disbelief. I was frightened and confused. My heart was breaking. The needs were so overwhelming that it felt hopeless. Like there was nothing I could do that could possibly make a difference. I wanted to run away and burst into tears. Instead, I sat on the dirt floor of this ladies’ tent and did the only thing I could. Listen. I was silent most of the time. I mean, what do you even say in a situation like that?

Our trip only lasted a week and when it was over, I wasn’t ready to come home. I begged my dad to stay longer. I just had the feeling that my time in Sri Lanka wasn’t done yet. That week we had done a lot of small things to help the people. We dug wells and built a house. We delivered shoes and school supplies to the kids. We fed people in tsunami camps. But I knew there was so much more to be done. When I got on the plane headed home, I knew in my heart that I would be back.

The next summer I was able to return to Sri Lanka for 10 weeks. A year and a half had passed since the tsunami, yet still, people were suffering. Being there for over two months allowed me to develop deep friendships with the people in the villages and at Calvary church. I became known as “Merry,” since my name is difficult for them to pronounce.

One of my favorite things was driving up to my favorite village (Hikkaduwa). The kids would hear our van coming down the dirt path and would run from every direction, smiling and eager to play. “Merry! Merrrrry!!!” they would sing, “Play?!”

And play we would. We would throw coconut shells and play hand clapping games. We’d chase each other and dance to Hindi music in their dark, stuffy mud houses. Their mom’s would serve me tea and giggle while watching this funny white girl try to swallow the spicy snacks they had prepared for me.

I fell in love with the people. They became my “akkas and ayyas”, my “yaluwas” (sisters and brothers, friends). The family I lived with became like family. We would sit around the table and laugh, despite our cultural and language barriers. I loved worshiping with my church family at Calvary. The church was so hot I always left feeling as if I had been baptized in my own sweat, but I didn’t mind. It didn’t matter that the guitars were out of tune and the sermon was in a language I didn’t understand. I realized that God is the same in Sri Lanka as He is in my air-conditioned church in America. People all over the world encounter Him and praise Him in unique ways. That was just one of the many lessons I learned.

By the time August rolled around, I wasn’t ready to go home. I loved the simple life I had found on that small island in the Indian Ocean; The life of waking up to Buddhist monks chanting in the distance, drinking Milo on the front porch of our bungalow, wearing shorts and a t-shirt every day, and never wearing makeup or fixing my hair. The life where possessions don’t matter. All that matters is family, and spending time with people, and praising Jesus. Instead of watching movies on rainy days, we would play carrom for hours, laughing and goofing off.

I knew I would miss it. I just didn’t realize how much. The next few months were really tough for me. I struggled when I got back to the states. I don’t know that I would call it depression, just extreme homesickness for…Sri Lanka. My heart ached to be back on that island. To play with those precious children again and show them that they are loved by a God who is bigger than any wave that could threaten to sweep away their hopes for the future.

I couldn’t stay away for long. The next summer I went back again, this time for six weeks. When I went in 2007, I felt in my heart that it would be my last trip for a while. I wanted to experience other things and travel other places, but I needed to go that last time for closure and to soak up every smell, feel and sound of my beloved country.

That summer was beautiful. I had a wonderful reunion with my friends and met new people as well. My faith was challenged and strengthened at the same time. I wept as I visited a dying woman in a mud hut in a distant jungle. I rejoiced as I witnessed God heal a paralyzed man in front of my eyes! As my weeks in Sri Lanka came to an end, I was filled with heartache and joy at the same time.

I felt so blessed to have been able to spend a total of over four months in a country that was once so foreign to me. Over the years I had seen the people of Sri Lanka go from mourning to rejoicing. I myself had changed. I came the first time as a quiet 18-year-old, nervous and culture-shocked. I was leaving as a maturing 20-year-old, perhaps more at home in those villages than in my own neighborhood in North Carolina. I was sad to say goodbye, not knowing when I would return again. But I felt a peace about it. I knew God had guided me there for a purpose and trusted that He would guide me back if it was in His will.

It’s been nearly three years now and though I’ve experienced and changed much since that last summer, the memories I have of those dear people are just as vivid as ever. I see their faces on my wall every day and pray for them. I think a part of me will always remain in Sri Lanka.

I’m so happy to say that I will be traveling back to the most special place in the world in just over a month. This trip will be shorter than most, only two weeks. But it will be long enough for me to be reminded of the beauty of that country and its people. I realize many of the children probably won’t remember me because they were young at the time. But I remember them. Dineshika and Chompee and Hashinka and Ashini Hansika. I can’t wait to hug them and show them pictures from when “Merry Akka” used to play with them.

My heart is singing. It’s good to be going home.

Goals...and other things

After a long hiatus, I'm back to the blog world. I don't even know if anyone even reads this thing, but it's at least good for me to be able to look back on. I was just reading through some old blog entries and ran across the one from April 2, 2009. I made a list of 10 things I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. To my surprise, a year later, I've already done 6 or 7 of them! (recorded some original songs, got accepted to seminary, am serving as a missionary, have learned some basic cooking skills, have a plane ticket to go back to Sri Lanka, went skydiving, and even started writing a book). (Me and my friend Masa after we went skydiving!!!)

There's something very satisfying about marking things off of a to-do list. It makes me feel like I'm working towards a goal and it's liberating to accomplish those tasks. But today as I was journaling in a cute coffee shop in Kailua, I realized how depressing it would be to have accomplished all of my life goals by the time I'm 23. Impressive, yes...but it would kind of take away much of my ambition and excitement for the future.

So I decided that while it's good to have dreams and hopes for the future, I don't want my life to be all about marking things off of a list. I want to live in the moment and soak up every precious second God has given me.

There were three things left on my list that I have yet to do:
1. travel to every continent (still need to go to Africa and Australia)
2. get married and have kids (don't have much control of this one, but I'm still holding out hope!) , and
3. work in an orphanage in Africa or India.

I'd still love to do all of these things one day, but I guess that recently I've come to realize that maybe those goals aren't what I should focus on.

Maybe instead I should be living each day as if it was my last, looking for ways that I can delight in the here and now and bring joy to other people's lives. I still feel young, but I'm probably already a third of the way through my life. This world is so temporary. Even if I accomplish every goal I have in my lifetime, the reality is that no one will know or care, quite frankly.

But if I spend my time pouring into other people. Being selfless with my time and resources. Serving and loving others. Maybe, just maybe, that will make an impact on someone.

So I have a new life goal. Maybe it'll be my life mission statement for now:
Live each day as if it's my last. Treasure each moment. Laugh. Enjoy being with those I love. Do everything without complaining. See the good in every situation. Love people, regardless of whether they love me back. Show the world what God's love is all about.

Now there's a goal I don't have to worry about accomplishing by this time next year. I'm pretty sure it'll take a lifetime...but at least I'll have a goal to work toward by the time I'm 90 ;)