I want to be radiant like Moses...and Edward Cullen.

So this year, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to read through the Bible. So I'm making my way through the Old Testament now. Sometimes it's hard for me to follow everything but every now and then between the measurements of the ark and the lists of "so and so begot so and so" I find a precious gem hidden in the pages.

The other day I was in Exodus 34, where Moses comes down from Mount Sinai after being in the presence of the Lord. In verse 29 it says, "When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him."

A few verses later it says that Moses had to put a veil over his face because the Lord's presence radiated on him so much.

I explored the meaning of this verse and discovered that the original Hebrew word that was used is "karan," which signifies, "to shine out, or dart forth, as horns on the head of an animal or rays of light reflected from a polished surface." One commentary said, "we may suppose that the heavenly glory which filled the soul of this holy man darted out from his face in coruscations, in the manner in which light is generally represented."

Okay...so confession: I had to look up the definition of "coruscations." To coruscate means: "to give off flashes of light; sparkle and glitter."

The first visual image of "coruscation" that popped into my mind was Edward Cullen from Twilight. When he is in the sunlight, his skin glows. I'm no Twilight fan, but this is just what I imagine Moses might have looked like when he had been in the Lord's presence.

As I meditated on this passage, my heart was pierced with conviction. When was the last time that someone looked at me and thought, "Man....she is radiant...she must have just been with Jesus."

The day I read this just so happened to be one of those days when being Christlike just didn't come naturally. Sometimes I think my little car has a magnet in it that attracts the world's worst drivers. Earlier that day I was stuck behind someone who decided to stop in the middle of the road to wait for a parking spot and was backing up traffic for blocks. As I sat through 3 green lights tapping nervously on my steering wheel, rage was boiling up inside of me and finally... I honked! (you have to realize this was the first time in my life I've honked at someone. I always felt mean doing it, but this day I felt like he deserved it!) Something about pressing that button and hearing the horn echo through the traffic made me feel strong and defiant. As I drove away I was muttering things like, "You stupid! What are you thinking? You're holding up everyone, you dummy!" Ironically, I was on my way to the Christian bookstore and was in no hurry what-so-ever.

So you can imagine that when I was reading my Bible that night I thought, "Huh...yeahhhh....about that..."

I was not radiant. Not at all.

But I want to be. I thought it was interesting that Moses was not even aware that his face was radiant. I can just imagine everyone around him staring at him in awe and he must have been like, "Dang...do I have a boogie hanging out of my nose or something?" He had no clue that God's presence was shining directly through him!

As I painfully processed the reality of my situation, I realized there could be several reasons I am not radiant. Either I am not spending quality time in God's presence, or the time I do spend with him does not transfer over to my daily life.

I want to be so close to Jesus that when I walk into a room God's presence will radiate through me so brightly that I have to wear a veil! I've got a long way to go, but I'm praying for help. Jesus, make me radiant!