Refuge

The other morning, I had to be in San Francisco super early, so on the way back I pulled off at a look-out point by the Golden Gate bridge to watch the sunrise. I hopped out of the car with my cup of coffee, grabbed my Bible, and sat on the ledge in anticipation of witnessing the beginning of a new day. Though I’m not usually a morning person by any means, sunrises will almost always get me out of bed. My heart was still that morning

and I had a strange sense of peace as I sat out there all alone.

As the sun began to rise, I prayed for that city. For my city (still getting used to saying that). I was somewhat overwhelmed when I looked at the tall buildings and thought of the hundreds of thousands of people living there- 97% of whom don’t know Jesus. My eyes filled up with tears as I begged God to revive this place. As I was praying, I realized that though I was praying for revival, I wasn’t really believing it was possible. I mean, we’re talking about San Francisco- one of the most “pagan” cities in the world. How could this sinful place ever be radically transformed by the Gospel? But despite my doubts, I continued to pray. I know in my heart that with God all things are possible and that he really does have the power to do the impossible, even when I can’t wrap my mind around it.

Then my prayer shifted to Japan. We hear about it on the news, but then we go about our normal lives. But for those people, every day is still a struggle to survive. A dear friend of mine who is studying in the States is from Fukushima, which is close to the nuclear power plants. She is terribly worried for her family and has asked for prayer for them and for her country. Sometimes I don’t know what to pray in situations like that, so I opened my Bible and began flipping through the Psalms. I ended up in Psalm 46 and was shook by the words I read:

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts." (v. 1-6)

It was one of those moments where I could sense the Lord's presence so intimately. I was reminded that even when I freak out about life and even when there are wars and earthquakes and all kinds of crazy things that I can't understand, God is our refuge. He's on our side and will fight for us.

My heart was heavy as I felt the weight of the lost city I was looking at, and the suffering country a few thousand miles across the water. I struggled with how God could sit back and allow these disasters to happen and how He could let an entire city perish without knowing Him. But as I lifted up my cries to God, I felt like He was saying, “Trust me.” Even though I was overwhelmed and confused and anxious, I was flooded with peace as I was reminded of God’s faithfulness. He sees the big picture. He has a good plan. I need to trust Him more. I want to truly take refuge in Him.

I wish I had mornings like that more often. It wasn't a "feel-good" quiet time or anything like that, but I feel like I truly encountered God that morning. I didn't get answers to all of the questions I asked, but as I drove back to school, I knew without a doubt that God had heard my prayers and that He will answer them in His own time. Until then, I've got to take refuge in Him in these crazy times.