God's Love Song to Me

Do you ever have those days when you just hunger for God?

I felt like that the other day. I had been constantly surrounded by people for the past week and my time with God had been cut short. Other than reading a few chapters of the Bible before closing my eyes each night, my "quiet time" had been lacking the depth and intimacy that I've known in the past.

I needed to get away and just be alone with God.

So I packed my bookbag, grabbed my guitar, and headed off to Spitting Caves, my favorite spot on this island. I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this place before. It's hidden in between two multi-million dollar houses up in a subdivision about 20 minutes away from where I live. You walk through a narrow path and climb down a few rocks and when you step out, you are standing on huge cliffs with the ocean crashing about 30 feet below. It takes my breath away every time.

I was the only person out there. I could imagine that I was the only person on the earth and Jesus had come to meet with me on that cliff. I had brought my Bible and journal and other books, but I didn't crack a single one of them open for the few hours I was there. The majority of the time I simply sat and admired God's creation.

My ipod was playing a song by Christy Nockels called, "A Mighty Fortress." I was so moved by the words.

"Our God is jealous for His own
None could comprehend His love and His mercy
Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens, forever He's worthy

We will keep our eyes on you
We will keep our eyes on you

A mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your name
Your kingdom is unshakeable
With You forever we will reign."

So as I'm listening to this song and singing at the top of my lungs, I look out in the distance and I see whales spouting water and flipping their tails! I laughed and couldn't contain my joy as I watched God's marvelous creation. I felt like God was putting on a show just for me. As if the whales weren't enough, a pack of dolphins swam right beneath me. They jumped up in the air and did flips and played with one another as if they, too, were experiencing the joy that I had at that moment.

I stood on the edge of the cliff and looked into the deep blue water. As the breeze blew against me, it was almost as if I could audibly hear God whispering, "My daughter...this is how much I love you." Though the sun was warm, my skin was covered with goose bumps. It was one of the most intimate worship experiences I've ever had.

I felt like God was wrapping his arms around me and showering me with his presence. It was as if God was singing me a love song. Though I was completely alone out there, never in my life have I felt so loved. I was so overwhelmed in that moment that I began to feel tears on my cheeks. Before I knew it, I was weeping...I just couldn't understand how God could possibly love me so much.

I lifted up my hands and reached as high as I could in an attempt to get even closer to God. If only I could reach out and touch him. I felt so free and so overwhelmed with God's presence. I didn't want to leave.

Once the sun began to set and I had to head home, I took one last look at the ocean and made a mental note to never forget that day. I knew that this would be one of those "spiritual markers" that I will look back on and remember how much God loves me when I begin to doubt .

I was still in awe as I was driving home. I prayed out loud, "Man, God....I should spend time with you more often."

And it's so true. I wonder how many moments I have missed out on because I am so consumed with myself. That day God really showed me that every day He is eagerly waiting for me to spend time with Him. To dwell in His presence and just sit with Him and talk to Him.

I want to experience this more. And I have a feeling it doesn't have to be on a cliff with whales and dolphins. He is waiting for us every day to come to Him and experience His love in the simplest ways.

God, sing me another love song.

I want to be radiant like Moses...and Edward Cullen.

So this year, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to read through the Bible. So I'm making my way through the Old Testament now. Sometimes it's hard for me to follow everything but every now and then between the measurements of the ark and the lists of "so and so begot so and so" I find a precious gem hidden in the pages.

The other day I was in Exodus 34, where Moses comes down from Mount Sinai after being in the presence of the Lord. In verse 29 it says, "When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him."

A few verses later it says that Moses had to put a veil over his face because the Lord's presence radiated on him so much.

I explored the meaning of this verse and discovered that the original Hebrew word that was used is "karan," which signifies, "to shine out, or dart forth, as horns on the head of an animal or rays of light reflected from a polished surface." One commentary said, "we may suppose that the heavenly glory which filled the soul of this holy man darted out from his face in coruscations, in the manner in which light is generally represented."

Okay...so confession: I had to look up the definition of "coruscations." To coruscate means: "to give off flashes of light; sparkle and glitter."

The first visual image of "coruscation" that popped into my mind was Edward Cullen from Twilight. When he is in the sunlight, his skin glows. I'm no Twilight fan, but this is just what I imagine Moses might have looked like when he had been in the Lord's presence.

As I meditated on this passage, my heart was pierced with conviction. When was the last time that someone looked at me and thought, "Man....she is radiant...she must have just been with Jesus."

The day I read this just so happened to be one of those days when being Christlike just didn't come naturally. Sometimes I think my little car has a magnet in it that attracts the world's worst drivers. Earlier that day I was stuck behind someone who decided to stop in the middle of the road to wait for a parking spot and was backing up traffic for blocks. As I sat through 3 green lights tapping nervously on my steering wheel, rage was boiling up inside of me and finally... I honked! (you have to realize this was the first time in my life I've honked at someone. I always felt mean doing it, but this day I felt like he deserved it!) Something about pressing that button and hearing the horn echo through the traffic made me feel strong and defiant. As I drove away I was muttering things like, "You stupid! What are you thinking? You're holding up everyone, you dummy!" Ironically, I was on my way to the Christian bookstore and was in no hurry what-so-ever.

So you can imagine that when I was reading my Bible that night I thought, "Huh...yeahhhh....about that..."

I was not radiant. Not at all.

But I want to be. I thought it was interesting that Moses was not even aware that his face was radiant. I can just imagine everyone around him staring at him in awe and he must have been like, "Dang...do I have a boogie hanging out of my nose or something?" He had no clue that God's presence was shining directly through him!

As I painfully processed the reality of my situation, I realized there could be several reasons I am not radiant. Either I am not spending quality time in God's presence, or the time I do spend with him does not transfer over to my daily life.

I want to be so close to Jesus that when I walk into a room God's presence will radiate through me so brightly that I have to wear a veil! I've got a long way to go, but I'm praying for help. Jesus, make me radiant!

One of my many crazy travel experiences...for your amusement :)

It's Wednesday, December 16^th, and I'm on my way home to Raleigh from Honolulu.

I get to the airport and try to do the self check-in deal and get this response: "We were unable to complete your transaction. Take the information card to an agent for assistance."

"Hmmm….weird," I think to myself as I take my place in the back of a very long line snaking its way around the desk with only two people working.

After waiting in line for 30+ minutes, it is my turn. My bag weighs 46.6 pounds. Phew! I made it under the 50 lb. limit! But the lady at the counter has a puzzled look on her face. "Yikeseeeez" I think.

"Ms. Brunson, we can't seem to locate your ticket." She goes on to tell me I should have a paper ticket (which I don't have) blah blah blah. She calls someone and I wait 30 more minutes. Another lady comes and fixes the problem, apologizes for the wait, and gives me a ticket that says "Gold lane" on it. This makes me feel special. At this point I have 30 minutes until my plane leaves. All I need to do is clear security.

I proudly take my place in the "gold lane" only to discover that they are letting people in the other lines go ahead of me.

"But they aren't GOLD!!!" I wanted to yell…but I didn't.

I get to the dreadful conveyor belt where you have to strip down and unpack your bags. I know I'm running way behind schedule and I'm nervous about missing my flight.

"This is wasting my time," I think as I place my bag on the belt, forgetting my laptop was inside.

"Whose bag is this?" a security lady yells while holding up a black book bag that ironically reads "student missions."

"That's mine," I sigh as a man lectures me on how laptops have to be put in a separate container before you can put it through the belt thing. He takes my bag and puts it through the belt again which seems to be getting longer as the seconds tick by.

I have no time to reassemble my belongings, so I take off sprinting with my backpack flopping behind me, my purse clinging to my side and a reusable grocery bag full of cookies securely positioned under my arm.

But before I make it out of security, a man stops me and says, "Ma'am, mind if I have a look in your bag? I need to make sure you don't have any fruits or anything."

At this point, I'm frustrated. "All I have is cookies," I say as he begins to slowly inspect every single item in my bag. He finally hands it back and as I get in my running stance again he says, "How about your purse?"

"SERIOUSLY?! Do I look like a terrorist?!" I wanted to say as I opened my purse and showed him my harmless camera, wallet, phone and chapstick.

"Okay, you can go," he said.

So I take off sprinting and run right up to my gate which appears to already be boarding.

Out of breath, I hand the lady my ticket and she says, "Um...Ms. Brunson, we haven't called your group yet. You are group 4. This is first class. You need to wait."

My days of being a gold member were short-lived, but I embraced the dejection with humility and took my place in line with the other low-lifes like myself.

Group 4 is called. I hand the same lady my "ticket."

She says, "This isn't a ticket…he took your ticket back there right?"

I don't know who "he" is and I sure didn't give him anything, but I smile and say "Yes," and she allows me to proceed.

I take my place in seat 19A, conveniently placed in front of a screaming baby (as if I don't hear enough of those every Tuesday morning J)

The movie actually looks like it will be good. Hallelujah! I plug in my headphones…no sound. "Yours must be broken," the flight attendant says. Awesome.

I'm getting hungry but don't want to pay $10 for the Boston Market meal, so I opt for the $4 cheese and crackers. I get four small crackers, one piece of cheese, a small box of raisins, and a small bag of peanuts (I remember the days when those were free on airplanes!)

I devour my lunch and order my usual airplane beverage: Cranapple juice mixed with Sprite. The flight attendant hands me a can of Sprite and a can of Cranapple juice. Then she gives me a cup of ice….and then holds out another cup of ice.

I stare at her blankly. "But…I…only…need…one cup of ice because I mix the drinks together…" I'm slowly thinking. "Is she trying to give this to me? Or maybe the girl next to me?"

Finally she says, "Taaaake iit" like she knew I was clueless.

With a confused look on my face I take the second cup of ice while thinking that American Airlines is killing the environment by giving out completely unnecessary plastic cups.

I down my cranberry/sprite concoction while the ice melts in the other cup. I drink both cans. After all, dad always tells me to drink plenty of fluids when I'm flying so I don't get dehydrated.

Well…my bladder isn't that big as it is and when you drink two cans…you gotta GO!

I'm in the window seat, so I ask the girls next to me if I can please slip past and go to the bathroom. I go and come back, feeling much better. Not 15 minutes goes by before I have to go again! I try to hold it out of embarrassment for having to go so much and don't want to ask the girls to move again. I hold it for a few more minutes when all of a sudden…dun dun dun… TURBULENCE!

"Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts and remain seated until the light goes off." With each bump we hit my bladder is telling me I should have gone earlier. The girl next to me is trying not to throw up (she doesn't like flying and this is the worst turbulence she's ever experienced). I, on the other hand, am trying not to wet my pants.

The seatbelt sign is still on, but I have no other option. I defiantly unbuckle my seatbelt and cling to each chair that I pass, trying not to fall on my face. The bathroom seems so far away.

The flight attendant is buckled in her chair and says to me, "Be careful, the seatbelt sign is on."

I laugh nervously and say, "Sorry…I gotta go."

The silver toilet with weird blue stuff in it looks like a beautiful throne and I breathe out a sigh of relief. I never knew what the white handle in the bathroom was for until that moment. I held on for dear life as the plane shook violently beneath me. But at that point, it didn't matter. I was exactly where I needed to be.

End of an amazing semester

After 5 months of sunshine and adventure, my first semester in Hawaii is nearing its end. This week I will travel back to NC to spend a few weeks with my family at Christmas.

Over the past few months I have experienced God in a new way. I have seen Him change lives and seen His beauty in the creation all around me.

I am so thankful for this experience. I could have stayed close to my family and started grad. school or get a real job where I could make a normal salary. But I wouldn't trade this for anything. Being away from the comforts of home has caused me to rely on God more than ever and to further develop my personal walk with Christ.

I have made friendships with people from all over the world. I've experienced the unique and diverse culture of Hawai'i, and gaining knowledge that will help me in the future.

I'm filled with joy and wish you joy during this Christmas season!

Everyone To Know

Since I was a young girl, I have had a passion for missions. God showed me at an early age that there is a hurting world in desperate need of a Savior. Sometimes missions becomes routine for me and I forget how important it is. But every now and then, God fans the flame in my soul for lost people and it's simply all I can think about.

Today is one of those days. I was reading a statistic that there are 9,000 missionaries employed through the IMB and NAMB. That's great. However, when I heard that there are 15.8 million Southern Baptists in North America, 9,000 seemed to be too small of a number. I did the math: .00056% of Baptists are employed as missionaries. Granted, that's only Southern Baptists and many people are missionaries in their secular workplaces. I support those people 100% and fully believe that we need Christians to be doctors, teachers, and everything else.

But why is it that churches give less than 1% of their tithes and offerings to support missions? Should this not be the most important thing on our agenda? My heart has been broken today because I feel like Christians (myself included) have lost sight of the urgency of sharing the gospel with our brothers and sisters around the world.

I've experienced firsthand people who grow up never hearing the name of Jesus. They are so hungry to know who Jesus is and how they can have a relationship with Him. But sadly, sometimes no one ever tells them. They die before they ever have a chance to hear His name.

As Christians, it is our responsibility to go and make disciples of every nation, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything God has commanded us. That's the Great Commission!

So why are we silent? Even if we can't physically go, we can give. So why do I spend my money on things that are going to rot and collect dust when there is a dying world in need of the Truth? Not all of us are called to be full-time missionaries. I personally have committed my life to missions, but I believe that God has a different calling for each one of us. However, I do believe that if you are truly a Christian, missions should be a natural response. Maybe it doesn't mean going to a third-world country to feed orphans, but it could be sharing Christ with your co-worker or showing kindness to a stranger you encounter on the street.

My heart is beating so fast right now and I know that God has given me this irresistible passion to make His name known to the ends of the earth. I don't know where I'll end up, but I know without a doubt that whatever I do, I want to tell people about Jesus. He has saved me and changed me and I want everyone to know about His love.

Being in Hawaii has changed me a little I think. I've become less stressed about things that need to be done and decisions that need to be made. I've become more laid back. I want to enjoy the simple pleasures of life like sitting in the sand and marveling at a sunset or sharing ice cream and a conversation with a new friend. I guess I've come to appreciate life more.

Sometimes I still lose my focus. I become lazy in my walk with the Lord. Some days I'll sit on the couch watching LOST for hours before I even crack open my Bible. My priorities get mixed up very easily. But God is constantly showing me that only HE can sustain me.

Last week all of us working with International Baptist Ministries took a personal prayer retreat on Wednesday morning from 9-12. We could go anywhere to focus on the Lord and spend some quality time praying, worshiping and just being still in His presence. I decided to go to one of my favorite non-touristy spots.

Spitting Caves is a beautiful lookout hidden between two houses up in a ritzy neighborhood. When you step off the path, you find yourself on a huge cliff high above the most blue water I've ever seen. The waves are wild and crash up against the rocks. Water rushes into a cave and is then "spit" out. Every time I go to the spitting caves I am in awe of God's amazing creation.

I found a peaceful spot on the rocks. For a few hours it was just me and Jesus and what a sweet, refreshing time I had with Him. I brought my guitar with me (you should have seen me hauling that thing up a cliff!) and I spent some time praising him through music. I sang out at the top of my lungs as if I was the only person on the island of Hawaii. As I sang praises to God I looked into the ocean and saw 50-100 dolphins leaping right in front of me! I was giddy with excitement and amazement. I opened my Bible and immediately read a verse in Psalm 96 that says, "Let the sea resound and all that is in it." It made me think that even the dolphins were praising the Lord!

I went out there that day seeking discernment about some decisions I need to make about the future. I thought that after a few hours of seeking God I would have a clearer understanding of what I should do. That didn't necessarily happen. But when I left the spitting caves that day, I felt like God has restored to me the joy of my salvation that I so often forget.

I still don't know what I'm going to do next year. I don't know if or where I'll go to seminary. I don't know what kind of job I'll have or who/if I'll marry. But I know Jesus and that's enough for me. I want to have more of those intimate moments with Him- with no distractions.

I want to completely delight myself in Him. He is good and is continuing to amaze me.

My good Chinese friend Nick that I've mentioned before celebrated his 31st birthday on October 25th. On that day, Nick decided to follow Jesus. His joy and zest for Christ is inspiring and encouraging. His charismatic personality will surely bring others to Christ in the future. I am so excited to see where God will lead Nick and Shadow and my other international friends. He is going to use them in ways we could never imagine!

My time here in Hawaii is quickly passing by. I've been here 3.5 months and only have a little over a month before I come home for Christmas. I will be very excited to see family and friends when I come back to the mainland, but God has given me contentment in being far away from everyone and everything that was comfortable for me. I'm a work in progress, changing each day to become more like Christ. At least that's what I hope God will do in me.

Aloha friends. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

Me of little faith

Colorful leaves, crisp cool air, soft sweaters, scarves, hot chocolate, fire places. These are a few of my favorite things... (insert Maria von Trapp's voice) about fall.

This fall is slightly different. The leaves are still green, and it's still 85 degrees every day. I'm not complaining, but it is weird to be in a seemingly never-ending summer. It makes me feel like I have no concept of what time of year it is. It feels like it's July to me, and here it is the middle of October already! I think it'll be really weird when Thanksgiving rolls around and I'll still be wearing shorts and t-shirts.

The semester is half-way over now and things are going so well. Thanks to those of you who have been praying. We have been seeing some very exciting things happen. The other day I was talking to my friend Shadow and I was joking with her about something. I said, "Now, Shadow, don't you lie to me!" She replied, "I can't lie now, because I'm a Christian."

I must have looked at her for about 5 seconds with a blank stare.

"What did you say?" I asked her.

"Yes, I'm a Christian now. I decided a few days ago that I want to believe!"

I was speechless. I never would have imagined that Shadow would make that decision after only a few months of being here. Once the shock wore off, I became very excited that Shadow would now be my sister in Christ! Please pray for her to grow in her walk with Christ and be a witness to her family and friends when she returns to China in March.

Recently in our team meetings, Joy has been challenging us to pray the "impossible." I put that in quotations, because impossible is not a word that applies when God is involved.

So many times when I pray for something, my heart doesn't truly believe. Though my lips are saying one thing, my heart is saying, "God, I know this would never really happen, but if by some chance you change your mind, it'd be cool...but I'm not counting on it."

I doubt that the God of the universe can change the hearts of my friends and do things that seem too big. Oh ME of little faith!

It's at times like this that I'm reminded of all of the times He has been faithful. I've seen Him answer countless prayers. I've even seen Him heal a paralyzed man in Sri Lanka. In Matthew 21:22 it says, "If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Why do I have to constantly remind myself of this? How quickly I forget.

I pray that God will increase my faith. I want to believe that He can do anything and pray with confidence knowing that He is fully capable of doing anything.

When I make this change of heart, I think big things will happen.

My brother Nathan came to visit me this weekend. This picture was taken in a bamboo forest on a hike we took in Manoa Valley.